Toes in the water, Ass in the sand...

That's the lyrics in a song I'm listening to. The fella was like, "life is good today" ... I thought, my god that's perfect. Sitting there on the beach, toes in the water, ass in the sand with a cold beer in your hand. (just one or two, unless you have to drive) I'm not a fan of drinking in the heat but relaxing and having no place in particular to go sure seems enticing.

Body kissed by the sun, what a great description. Don't you think? I do... There's so much trash in musi today where they're just "out there" with references about sex, dating and drugs too. I'm on the polite end of things because I don't think we need to get all that raunchy when we've got a perfectly good imagination going for us.

I mean can you just visualize sitting some where by yourself, relaxing, having nothing to do? Maybe bring a significant other with you or just a friend period.

Sometimes, in life, we get trapped up in our responsibilities and forget to take time for ourselves. We wistfully think about when we're going to take that vacation or when we're going to sit back and do nothing specific. Those youthfull carefree times seem so far away. And to think, we were bored back then. Remember that?

I keep thinking about how the whole world is in such a hurry. I was talking to a guy from Illinois yesterday, he was so laid back and a pleasure to talk to I wondered why I live where I live. The energy of everyone around me can feel pretty draining, the stress of the hussle and bussle in every day life really can take it's toll on a person. Never mind the energy emitted from those around us that can be over powering as well.

I went up to New York State to visit some friends of mine a couple weeks ago and every morning I would get up and take a couple mile walk. Nothing but me and my music, fresh air, some hills and woods all around me. I have to say, my step was lighter, I felt better mentally, phyisically and emotionally too. I had a couple hours of uninterupted thought for two whole days in a row. Now, I don't know about you but that kind of therapy feels so good, you don't even want to think about going back to the city.

I started thinking about this adult ADD stuff and how we've mistakenly assumed that with all the technology in the world today making things faster so we can do more, the pressure put on us by our employer, tight schedules we have schlepping the kids around, cleaning the house, paying bills, etc., that we've bogged ourselves down so much that we can't hep but be over whelmed. Then we slap a label/diagnosis on it and POOF... another "something" for doctors to diagnose and give us a little pill for.

What about, realizing we're cramming too much garbage into one day? What about learning how to streamline what we're doing asking for help, setting things up so we have some quiet time to ourselves? Even if that means we get up before everyone in the house does and just sitting there... doing absolutely nothing. Course, if you live with someone who hasn't grasped this concept, they may get restentfull that you've got free time and they don't. You'll have to help them out a little bit so they feel as good as you're going to.

Folks, these are the simple things in life that we lose sight of, or never thought of before. We NEED to take care of ourselves in order to feel good. Otherwise, life is just going to bog you down. Emotionally, physically, mentally... I promise you it will bog you down. You can only ignore it for so long.

As drove home from N.Y. State, I felt the stress settle into my lower back, down into my knee (where it seems to have migrated to) and I knew I was going home, back to all the congestion, polluted air, crazy drivers with no courtesy, defensive people and demanding job.

Most of it's self imposed. We're so pre-conditioned by things that we forget to take care of ourselves.

Here's my prescription for today...

Learn to delegate...
Learn to ask for help...
Learn to streamline your life...
Learn how to relax...
Get up earlier...
Find something that soothes your mind on a daily basis... my almost favorite "something" is my music. This iPod I just bought was the best thing I've ever purchased.
Laugh often, make it a deep belly laugh :) because those are the best kind.

I have a motive too behind this post, I want the people around me relaxed too. All that negative stressed energy adds to my own. No matter how much I block it out, deflect it or ignore it... it seeps into my system when I'm not looking...

So, last but not least, chose people to be around who don't ooze sludge from their very being... You can feel the difference if you pay attention. Little by little you can eliminate being around them as much.

Anyway, food for thought this morning. I'm going to listen to some more of my music.

I'll Scold You & Stand By You Too

I wasn't sure how to entitle this post, tried my best. A young lady, 20 years old, had a fender bender the other day. I happened to be driving up the exit, saw a car like hers, saw she was out of the car in a gas station parking lot, pulled up on the curb, onto the sidewalk and got out to see if everything was okay.

I would have gotten out to help anyway but there are a slew of guys who stand there loitering around every day looking to be picked up for work. They had all migrated towards where she was standing exchanging information with the other driver. This didn't sit well with me. I have a pretty over protective nature and I wasn't having her stand out there all by herself. Not only that but I think it was her first auto accident too and that's pretty scarey stuff, never mind how the other driver could have been reacting.

As I got out of the car and approached the scene, my adrenaline began pumping, anticipating any nonsense I may have to contend with either from those guys who had migrated down there "to see" and/or any attitude the other driver may be dishing out. You just never know how a person is going to act, so I was prepared for anything. I was calm too, mind you, if that's possible with all that adrenaline going through my system, the intention was to help, not make it worse.

I get down there, I put myself between this young lady and the men standing there, ask her if she's okay... wait until the other driver got in her car and as we were going to move along, this skanky guy comes over with his eye on this young lady. To me, that's like slapping a lion on the nose when he's eating, he's going to bite you if you give him just cause. That's where my mind was at... and the adrenaline started pumping all over again.

Mainly because he was a skanky fella and I saw the way he looked at her. It wasn't an innocent look and I wasn't having that. He offered the suggestion of giving the other driver some money to make her go away (the moron). I advised him we have insurance for that. He said he was a truck driver and he just knows some stuff... and all the while he never took his eyes off my little friend and I never took my eyes off him. I thanked him for his advise, turned to my friend and told her to get in the car. When she was in it, door closed and car in gear, I walked up to where my car was, got in and waited to see her get back into traffic.

She said, when we got to the office, she was happy to see me. :) I told her that no matter what I say to her in the advise arena, whether or not I agree with some of the decisions she makes (she's a baby to me at 20 years old :))... that I would defend her when necessary. I didn't say it "just this way" but this is the general idea. It was just a surface scratch along the paint and that got buffed out brand new, so that was a good thing

My point here folks is that sometimes people in our life will truly let us "have it" when we mess up. This never means that this same person won't go to bat for you when it gets down and dirty. Sometimes the scolding or advise we get from someone may make us think this person's angry with us or won't have our back but that's simply not true.

There's standing up to someone for the right things, there's standing up for someone when they don't realize they need it and there's being there for someone as they learn the ropes in life. Never assume because someone may scold you or give you "what for" on any particular issue that you can't go to them or that they won't be there for you. They're two seperat animals... okay? :)

Just my thoughts this morning...

Praise and Self Satisfaction

I am an avid ebay shopper. I like getting more for my money! Don't you? I recently, accidentally, purchased an Apple iPod with so much music capacity it amazes the mind. How all that stuff/music/movies/podcasts, etc., fits on this shinny little thing is beyond me. But, I digress... I was playing with my new toy here this morning, tickled to death, yet little confused still as to how to use it and I thought, "oh! I have to go and leave feedback!"

I logged into ebay, went to the area where you leave feedback and wrote how satisfied I am with my purchase. Which is VERY satisfied. The ipod is a refurbished ipod that I was bidding on for fun. Meaning, I liked the price of it and so in the last 4 minutes of bidding, I put 148.50, then 151.92 (imagine winning by .02?) and I clicked submit and it said, "Congratulations! You won!" I was like... Oh hell... LOL. And that's how I became the proud owner of my new toy. So, since I got it at a discount, I bought every adapter known to man for it, also at a discounted price which did bring me up to the full price I would have paid, yet if you think about it, I still saved money because the adapter for the car alone would have been $70.00 and I got it for $17.99. I bought all the other adapters, chargers, screen protecters etc., for a mere $13.99! Man, I tell you, saving money sure makes me happy. Course, this purchase was on accident this time and I had some misgivings about spending the money for the ipod, but since I love music so much, I figure the universe must think I needed one.

Anyway, I've digressed again, not shocking. So, I went and left feedback because I was so impressed with the condition of this refurbished ipod! While I was in that window, there is a section you go where the sellers give feedback about the purchaser. I have quite a number of them there, like I said, I am an avid shopper. I never make a purchase unless I have money in my paypal account or the adjoining account because if I don't have the cash, I'm not charging anything and living beyond my means. Just makes good sense to me.

I start reading some of the feedback left by the sellers for me. I realize that these people don't know me. Yet, it's interesting how our actions really do show others a little bit about who we are and further, how much they appreciate it. It all may seem silly but I assure you that when you have a good transaction/dealing with someone, you are impressed. I usually am anyway.

So, I'm reading through the feedback left for me, all saying prompt payment and great to work with, excellent buyer, all giving me A+++++ at the end of their statements... and I start feeling pretty good. I find myself grinning, then smiling, then my mood lifted a little bit and I thought how such a small thing, this feedback from complete strangers made me feel lighter.

My body began to release some apparent tension I didn't realize was there, I felt pleased at the comments and then I felt proud of myself. See, we can talk all we want about certain things but all that talk doesn't mean anything unless we back it up with action. To me, I talk about budgeting and money issues with my friends all the time. My accomplishment here, which these people didn't realize they were complimenting, is the work I have done on managing my finances better. I don't just slap things on a credit card because I have poor impulse control or because everyone else has one. I save the cash, I do research on an item and then I make a purchase on the spot. That's a nice accomplishment. Especially since the world seems to run on impulse and instant gratification so often.

Every time I read a postive compliment from these seller's it reminded me of my accomplishments. That's a pretty good feeling!

My point is that we should never underestimate how good it is to receive praise or postive feedback from someone. One thing leads to another and before you know it, you can feel pretty good about yourself. Don't forget to praise someone else either... if it feels that good to you, imagine how good you can make someone else feel :)

That's my thought for today!

Defining Where You Want to Be Included...

We, as human beings, like to have a sense of belonging and to be a part of something. It's a healthy part of developing relationships, making friends and experiencing new things. However who we spend our time with, include in our life and/or associate ourselves with requires some thought.

I remember a time where a group of people I was acquainted with were going to be doing something on a weekend. Initially, I thought it would be nice to go along, hang out and get to know them better. I was not invited. Sitting right there, hearing all about it and no one extended and invitation.

Initially, my ego was a little bruised. My inner child, if you will, thought... "Hey! Whattabout me! I wanna come play too!" I felt left out, not just a little but as a whole. Completely discounted and ignored. Fortunately for me, I didn't feed into it with cynisism or bitterness towards the group, which would have made it feel even worse. I waited until the feeling of being excluded passed and then I thought, "Do you have to be included in this group?" As I mulled this over, I recognized that I have other groups of friends, I have good close friends that I've made over the years and the reality is that the only reason I felt excluded was only because, "it would have been nice to be invited". To be included in something new, maybe make some new acquantances along the way would have been nice.

I decided not to make it into something personal. It all feels very personal but ultimately we chose who we want to spend our time with and we chose the things that we want to do. At least I think we should. There's nothing wrong with going and experienceing new things, however the real questions need to be asked and answered honestly "for ourselves" first and foremost are as follows:

1. What is it, about this group, that makes me want to spend time with them?
2. Am I interested in what the group is doing as a whole, or did I just feel excluded and it hurt my feelings?
3. Do I "like" the people in this group? Who are they really?
4. If a group is not open and friendly enough to include you, why would you want to be included in the first place?
5. Do YOU really want to spend any significant amount of time with these particular people OR would you rather explore other options, with other groups until you find one that suits you?

Sometimes we want to be included so much that we neglect to evaluate who we think we want to spend our time with. The insult of not being included far out weighs the reality of the personalities we would be dealing with if we were invited.

At no time should this be thought through in a resentfull, bitter, self-righteous manner. It should be thought through from a place of personal integrity as to what's really going on with YOU and more specifically who YOU would like to share your time with or new experiences with.

Being excluded isn't necessarily a bad thing. I would venture to say that if a particular group left you out in the cold, they've done you a massive favor. Because for whatever reason it is that they made the choice not to ask... you have to ask yourself if these are the type of people you would like to include in your life.

To have a good, close group of friends is always very helpful because as you can see, you already have a good foundation in your life. If you're looking to build on your experiences, which is wonderfull, we want you to have something REAL in your life, people who are sincere in their invitations and in their interest in maintaining a friendship and a relationship with you.

What you don't want is to allow your ego or bruised feelings to get in the way of your better judgment.

My final note is, if you spend time with these people on a regular basis for whatever reason, you continue to treat them with the same courtesy and respect as you would treat anyone else. Granted, you'll know where you stand with them, it doesn't mean that we need to feed into any additional negativity by acting the fool ourselves.

Food for thought this morning.

Assumptions People Make

This should be short and sweet. Although I may be lying because I like to be very clear so I'm understood.

People look at one another and make all kinds of assumptions about each other. They make assumptions about who someone is based on the type of music they listen to, on the clothes they wear, the car they drive... etc.

Now, many times, it could be true, all those things adding up to the person we think they are... of course, that's how stereo typing comes into play. Which isn't the worst thing in the world because it can help us to identify who we're dealing with. On the other side of the coin, it's bad because we could meet someone in jeans and a ripped up T-shirt and they could go outside, get into a Ferrari and they own a business that makes them millions.

Course, suddenly, if you're willing to admit it, that person now seems more appealing to you. Because you think they've got more worth. People don't admit this but I know it's true.

People are very enticed by the things they think they see in another person. We're so pre-programed to look at what we assume another person has or doesn't have that we can assume who what type of person they are.

Me? I think we need to pay attention to what we see and then dig a little deeper into who the person is... don't you?

I mean some things are obvious and we don't want to deal with that person either. Their attitude and demeanor shouts out strong warnings about they type of person they are and who would want to deal with that? Not me! I don't care what you're driving or what you're wearing, if you have no integrity or your actions don't compliment your words, I'm not going to want to get to know that person any better than I do already.

I mean, you can have a wo/man driving a georgous vehicle and they're an inconsiderate individual who you wouldn't give the time of day. You could meet a celebrity and think they're the shit! Those are all those rose colored glasses the world seems to place on the material things in life. What we forget about so often is, "who is this person really"... if you were to remove all the shinny things and really see who that person is, would you still be so enticed by them?

Food for thought this morning... just because we see one thing, doesn't mean it equals the other.

Snow Plowing and Good Deeds!

So we got over two feet of snow here starting thursday into friday. With the snow plow going by, I had a three foot wide and two and a half foot high pile of snow around my car. Holy cow man, that was going to take me hours to shovel out of my parking spot on the street and when I woke up at 6:00 a.m., I was like, Oh no... I'm not going in to work today. I'm all blocked in out there. So, I called out. Most of the office did actually.

So, I went out around 2:00 p.m., and started at the front of the car, making a nice "U" in the front so I could swing out. As I started chipping into the huge pile at the side this guy with a snow plow was sitting there behind me when I looked up. I moved off to the side and he turned his plow at an angle, and he drove 6 inches from my car and took 2 feet of it away!

Well! There I am, standing there, mouth dropped open ... he only did my car, I've never seen the guy before and he did that massively nice thing for me! Wow... holy cow! I gave him a thumbs up, still standing there with this gratefull and surprised look on my face. I mean, wow... right? He just saved me a good couple of hours!

So, the woman who lives downstairs from me was shovelling hers out, so I went and helped her when I was done with mine. After that, the girl who lives next door who parked across the street came out with this icky shovel and she started on hers. So, I went over there and began helping her. The woman who I helped walked over and she started to help us. :)

Man... isn't that just the nicest thing?

Because that fella helped me, I still had the energy left to help that other woman. I was going to anyway but that made it easier. And because both of us did her spot, we both had enough left to help that young girl next door!

Now this is just totally cool to me :)

Do something nice today for someone. Hold a door, wait a few extra seconds to help someone, JUST DO IT! ... expect nothing in return, okay?

I mean, it seems to me that, the more I do without thinking about it, you know just doing it, the more I start to see it happen. I like that. I think about small towns and places where people go out of their way to know their neighbors and do things for one another and that would nice if it spread to all over. Right?

Yes!

You guys have anything nice you've seen or done lately? I mean, isn't that just great? YUP!

Chagne One Thing... Are they Nuts?

I remember a long time ago I read something that said make one change and other changes will start to follow. At the time I thought, one thing? But there's so much I want to sift through and work on! :) They're NUTS! LOL :)

Well... I'll use working out as the example for the one thing. I started working out about 3 years ago, kept not finding what worked for me until I bought an elliptical machine and that was great! Then at the end of last year I bought a new program because what I was doing wasn't giving me the results I wanted. I upped my workouts from 30 minutes to an hour. I've seen better results, more results and that's just awesome! I have a vertigo issue in my head where if I get too over heated I get nauseaus and dizzy so I was really afraid to get these dvd's because they'd bring my body temperature to that point. That hasn't gone away, however I know what to do, to work around it.

In the meantime, other things began to follow. Since I was down doing pushups and on the floor for some of the workouts, I felt like ... euw, when is the last time I cleaned these carpets? So, I bought a steam cleaner. Who would want their face by a dirty carpet?

Cleaning the carpets, in all it's methodical, slow motion movement, is very soothing to me and when I'm done doing it. Not only do I feel more comfortable being on the rug but the house smells better, I feel like everything is cleaner and the machine really paid for itself after 3 uses vs. spending 50.00 for a rental and having to run myself into the ground in 24 hours or be charged more by the rental place, so this affected my budget in a good way too. Right? Sure it did...

I have two adorable boy cats who I love SOOOO Much but they shed, I'm allergic to cats (so they say) and now because i got the steam cleaner my allergies are better too.

When I workout, there are a few of the DVD's that make me feel so "high" from the adrenaline and movement that I'm in the ultimate good mood from it! Very happy and I feel amazing! I definitely have more energy and not only that but looking better physically has affected my overall posture and how I feel about myself.

Granted I started working out three years ago however the change started with my doing one thing different. I was getting tired of hearing myself whine about how what I was doing wasn't bringing me to where I wanted to be physically, to buying a new program, to the other changes I'm referencing above.

I've also had to get up earlier and make more time to work out too, so it's changed my schedule and actually given me more "me" time too... A few years ago if you told me that I would get up at 5:00 or 5:30 so I could exercise I would've said, "Don't I do enough in a day already?" ...

Are you seeing how if you make a change in one area, other things start to fall into place? Try it, you have nothing at all to lose.

Making Due and Good things to come...

I'm having new furniture delivered today! I'm very excited! I've been wanting new furniture for the past three or four years and this year, was my year. I went to three different stores, sat on couches that I thought I would like, bounced on them, trotted around looking at each and every style, then made my selection. The salesman was pretty amused by me as I took my boots off, flopped down, put my feet up and made myself comfortable. We laughed quite a bit. I told him that my hinny had to be happy on the couch, so I had to make sure by lying down like I would at home! He didn't mind, was very helpful and I walked out of the store after making my purchase on cloud nine! I was now the proud owner of a new living room set!

See, for the past few years, I thought about how much I would like a new living room set, things kept coming up financially that didn't allow for it. So, I would go and rent a steam cleaner, clean up mine, they looked good and I made due. As long as I spiffied things up, I was happy making due. At the same time, every year, I still found myself wanting new furniture. Especially after I would visit friends and see the beautiful decorating they had done, then I would go home and want to do the same.

Yet, I would make due. I would buy paint and paint one room, then do little things that made nice small differences in the house. Clean things out, steam clean the rugs and the couch and that would work nicely. At least, for a little while.

I have worked very hard on my own life in the past number of years and this year, was my turn. I didn't mind making due, sometimes I would feel like I wasn't doing enough. Maybe I didn't have all the nice things I should have. I have to say now though that there isn't a damned thing wrong with making due. I have a nice home, I have good friends, I work hard and the things that came up didn't mean I wasn't doing a good job. Which, I seemed to think from time to time... I was doing a good job and all the fruits of those labors and choices all came together for me this year.

It's clear as day that all along I was doing the right things. The only problem was the belief that would come and go that maybe I wasn't doing enough. Maybe I should have more, maybe I should be doing better or doing things differently. Yet, all the while I was doing what I needed to do for myself at that point in my life.

See, to some, getting new furniture is simply getting new furniture. To me, it's proof positive that with some elbow grease, side stepping the instant gratification aspect, not comparing what I have to what others may "seem" to have and having patience, I see how everything, in time, all comes together. It may not have come as fast as maybe I would have liked it to, this much is true. At the same time I feel so euphoric waiting for those fella's to deliver my furniture today ... I feel very proud of everthing I worked so hard for to get to this point. Including the ups and downs I have had.

See, we shouldn't take for granted the things we already have in life. We need to remember that... sometimes, we need to make due with what we have, instead of thinking that some how we are less than others because we don't have what they do.

You can imaging the deeper appreciation you can have, from these realizations versus not recognizing that we're okay the way we are "right now" ... maybe it's not exactly where we would like to be BUT I tell ya... I have a huge sense of accomplishment beaming over my head right now!

So, here's to making due with what we have, keeping focused on what we would like to have, planning for it, and then... making it happen.

As for me, I'm going to obsessively peer out the window between 7:00 a.m., and 1:00 p.m., for the delivery truck!

#2 Game of Life - Baby Steps

Good Morning, I'm going to talk about my little addiction again this morning, the game Yoville that I play! It's so cute and it's the best free self-help thing I've ever seen. I know it's just for a little bit of fun, men, women and children are playing this game. So, you do have to be careful if you talk to anyone, and you can talk to them, because you don't want to have an adult conversation with an 11 year old!

Today, I want to talk about the coin runs. This is when you first log into the main site, you can go to other people's pages, you click this little light switch and you get 5 whole coins! The other thing is, you can start at your profile any time you want and gain more coins by doing as it asks you and going to each person's page and taking a pot of gold, also worth 5 coins off their page. It's cute and you can accumulate a lot of coins this way. It takes about 5 to 7 minutes, not so bad.

Now, you have a job here, they tell you what that is, you work at a factory. You click on the little star and depending on the number of friends you have, you make 235 coins at one shot! Wow right? LOL

This morning, as other times, the screen asked me if I wanted to do the coin run where you get 5 coins at a time by taking the time to go to all these people's pages. I felt this little pull to just go straight to the factory and make the big bucks! Why not? It's more money, you don't spend as much time doing it either.

And then, it hit me. I was more enticed by the instant gratification of the larger amount than all the little things I had to do, which were kind of boring and tedious rather than looking at the overall picture. The more we get the more we want. Are we really willing to take all the small steps necessary to get to where we want to be? Whether it's saving for something or a business endeavor we have, or maybe even working out.

We have to do all the little things necessary, to acheive certain goals in life. It may take more than 5/7 minutes of course, but I think we can identify with wanting "it all" versus a slow and steady progression towards the things we want to accomplish.

So, now, while I still want the bigger salary (coins), I understand that it's going to take some of the baby steps to get to where I have a nice savings and then over time, with a little elbow grease and persceverence, I can have more of what I really want. Course I'm only using a little clicker on my mouse right now but it goes to real life too.

We all may to develop the right mindset, the patience to really make a plan and stick to it no matter what. That takes time, it takes knowing when to shift what we're already doing or when we need to maybe learn something else in life to get to where we want to be.

What it does take, is the ability to sit back and look at the whole picture as to where we want to be. I mean, what is your goal? How are you going to go about getting there? Are you willing to put in the extra effort now that it will take to get to the point you want to be?

More food for thought this morning. I like to make things simply to identify with, life doesn't appear so simple sometimes and we have to get a little dirty first before we can shine.

So go on with yourself and get to the little stuff, so you can reach the bigger things you want! They say you can't run a restaurant in life unless you understand all the positions within that restaurant. I heard that some where once and I think it's true.

So, stop, think about the steps you want to take, if they don't work, do something else and keep at it until you see some progress. I don't care what it is that you want to acheive, just ... do it.

Bye!

Game of Life ... How do you play?

I play this little game called Yoville. In it are little avatar's, who have little houses, furniture you can buy, coins you can earn or buy and little games you can play.

I started playing a few months ago and now I'm officially addicted. It's a silly little game where you can go visit your little avatar friends' houses and buy clothing and furniture for coins and each action you take, there is a coin reward.

Now, in order to buy clothing or furniture at the little stores, you have to save your coins. Or wait for a little sale which shows up every day with little items on the side that you can purchase while you're playing.

If you think a game can't tell you much about yourself, you would be 100% wrong. I've noticed a lot about my personal spending habits. I can save up to a certain amount of coins and then it seems up to a certain point, I get this fush of "I need to buy some stuff". Now, I thought this would fade after I furnished the little virtual apartment I had and all it's rooms. It didn't fade and I noticed that when I would get a certain number of coins, thinking about buying the house was "nice" but I seemed to want to buy other things like clothing instead or some additional decorations for the apartment I currently own.

Now, one of reasons for this is that I don't think I can take my furniture with me so I would have to start all over. Who likes that when we're comfortable where we are?

The other reason seems to be that once I get to a certain amount of coins, I think I have enough to go and buy the things that I have put off buying.

It's kind of like when we get a tax refund. Say we have like $3,000.00 and that's when we pay off all the little debts of the year or buy furniture that we wanted vs. saving all year after paying things off and then buying it whenever we want. You following me here? I hope so because the more I play the game, the more I see how my lifes experiences color how I save, spend or earn my money.

It's almost like getting a paycheck every week or bi-weekly and then all the things you may have put off getting during the week you didn't get paid are all rushed to be paid or bought so that you have enough or so that you have your reward for budgeting through out the previous weeks.

Instead of, say, creating a budget for yourself where you need or want for nothing, you blow through your paycheck or don't have a savings account. Instead, people use credit. Credit creates that bail out program you have for yourself when your tax return comes in... this is an old habit that has been instilled in most people, almost all their life.

Apparently, me too. My personal goals as the last couple of years have been difficult, is to determine what my personal spending habits are, how I save money or do not save money and put some away.

Playing this silly little game has brought out what my spending habits really are. Which I think is very interesting. I pay attention for the most part but I can see where I go wrong in real life by how I go and buy certain items I may not "need" but want. I mean, how many clothes does an avatar really need anyway? :)

So what is my point? Playing a game can reveal what your habits are. It can reveal not only how you are with your coins but how you are as a person around other people too. The reasons you do the things you do and if you pay attention to your overall attitude towards your REAL life, you can start to see where you may want to make changes.

I think this is a really cool tool to be able to play a game, have a little fun, maybe appease that little person inside you who may be saving for something and you want a quick fix of a reward by bying something and in that case, go play the little game, buy a little something without touching your real life funds.

It may seem silly but I have to say, the more I play, the more I realize how I may sabotage my own daily expenses. It's not on purpose, we don't see these things all that clearly all the time. However it is a really good starting point to see where you may want to make some changes.

Another thing is that they have more high end things you can buy for your apartment if you spend YOUR real money via credit card. When you start to see these high end items that you need yo-dollars for, you may feel that little pull of "I don't make enough to afford that"... and you may even feel enticed to buy yo-dollars.

But, why? Sure you can put anything in life on a credit card, which to me is the same thing as the yo-dollars. Yet at the same time I think enjoying where you are right now, learning how to save for those high end items and not have debt, is so much more important that literally buying into what everyone else has or what kind of living room or clothing someone else has.

The real world is so full of things that we want. Sometimes we get in our own way in how we go about getting those things. Think about it for a while...

I have to go.

Night at the Museum 2 - Reaction Free ?

I was watching "Night at the Museum 2" the other day and there was this one scene where this big king guy who had been dead for 1000 years came back to live. When the sun went down, anything in the area of this ancient tablet would come to life having the thoughts and experiences of whatever historical character was in the museum.

So, the night guard, played by Ben Stiller, met up with this King who was basically pounding his chest saying, "I am so'n'so and after 1000 years I have come BACK to LIFE!" ... Stiller, just looked at him like, Okay. The King was confused by this and said it again. His tone was menancing and intended to make Stiller shudder and/or be in awe (maybe both) by this POWER!

Well... la de da. It didn't work. Course, I'm sure since we all knew that they'd go back to being manequins at the end of the night, that was soothing enough. I mean what was this King really going to do anyway?

The point is this, Stiller didn't react to this guy, he wasn't afraid, he simply acknowledged what was said and looked at the guy like... "Yah, I heard that" The King character lost steam. Sure he went on to do other things in the museum but I love this one scene the best.

This is the perfect example of how when we don't react to another person's "stuff" or their intention to make us feel small or intimidated, how NOT reacting and just going about our business really works.

Some people are plain antagonists. They seem to take pleasure in finding little ways to push another person's buttons until they get to them.

I'm a fan of getting rid of those kind of people from my life because I'm only so patient. That is, providing I don't see some kind of shift from them where they change their behavior. My motto is, you be nice to me, show me respect and we'll get along just fine. This goes both ways, of course.

How we react to something is so massively important in life. It can dictate what kind of relationships we cultivate with others. It can definitely contribute to the type of day we're going to have and how we are received by others as well.

I don't know how you want to live but I'm a huge fan of just looking at someone who is a blow hard, hearing the message, ignoring the volumn and going about my business. When it's time for me to set a boundary, I do it. Sometimes ignoring bad behavior makes it go away because you're not reacting to it. Other times you have to confront the person, in a way, that diffuses them.

Each person is different, each person requires a different method of diffusing. You will experience some anxiety based on the existing relationship you may have when you start to practice this. You're going to feel that from the pit of your stomach to the top of your head, to the numbness you may feel in your toes. That's the fright or flight reaction our body gives us. Course, not being able to think while we're experiencing those feelings doesn't help a situation but over time, you're going to find that it gets easier to do.

I'm not saying that you won't have some kind of anxiety or be nervous. I still get a little nervous at times. Depends on the situation, depends on how severely this other individual crossed the line and whether or not I'm controlling my own reactions to the situation.

If you are in an abusive relationship, these tactics, this good advise is not going to work over the long term. Abusive, narcissistic people simply up the anti until you crack. Even then, when you are able to, I would leave that situation.

Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. Period.

You can teach other people to treat you with dignity and respect at any time. You stop allowing them to get away with their behavior.

What is it costing you, physically, emotionally, mentally to tolerate some blow hard who is disrespectful to you? Think about that...

Oh! And don't think you've failed at learning this if you get caught off guard at times from this other person. That can happen and as soon as you regroup and think it through, you'll be able to address it the next time. Or, you can approach the person another time and advise them they may not do x, y and/or z in the future.

I mean, what are you really losing if you address bad behavior? Being disrespected? Being put down or walking on egg shells? I'd give that up any day.

Spam - Don't Get Mad - Block it

A while ago some individual came on my blog here and posted some listing for viagra and other things in this huge post, which obviously had no place here on my blog. Course it was also done annonymously which cut off my addressing them directly. So, I thought I would do a post and thank the person for being so massively disrespectfull of my space here in blog world.

What you have done for me, in your disrespect of other people's space, time and effort is taught me to not be angry at the blatant disrespect you have shown my blog. I'm sure you have plastered nonsense like this on other people's blogs by posting your advertisements for viagra and other sites which are, a. not welcome and b. not relevant c. disrespectfull, however what I've gained due to your disgusting and blatant disregard for my personal space here on the net, is to simply adjust the blog so that I can review any posts that are made.

While this may seem like something extra to do and would appear to cause most some type of anger or frustration that they have to do this. YOU dear person have caused me to be reminded, consistently, every time you post some ridiculous ad on my site, that I should be posting here more often. It is a nice reminder to come, post and share things on my blog which I have sorely neglected for quite some time now.

So, I want to thank you for being the disrespectfull curr that you are and thank you for reminding me what's important. Most importantly you have reminded me not to react in a negative fashion or out of anger but to follow through with a solution and let it slide off instead of being angry due to your disrespect and obvious lack of courtesy for others.

So, I want to thank you again for posting unwanted advertisements on my blog and for giving me the opportunity to grow more as a person.

Have a wonderful holiday :)

Don't Feed Into A Problem... Focus on Positive Resolution

I distinctly remember a time where I was upset about something. I told the person who was around me at the time, how I felt and that I was very upset... I was instantly angered by something I had been told because I thought that I was promised something important and now, the other person was going to back out of their promise.

Based on same or similar situations in the past, instead of being calm in that moment, saying to myself, Okay, Okay... just wait and see, talk it through with the person. I was, on a scale of 1-10 anger wise, a 20.

I knew I needed to vent, because I may find myself handling something badly if I allowed this feeling to go any further. So, I vented to this individual... I just needed to get it off my chest.

Now, what they did, wasn't just listen or appreciate my situation, most may not be good at that anyway... however this individual chose to take this "opportunity" to feed into my already high level of feelings on the matter by telling me stories about the things this person who made me the promise had done "for someone else"... Which would have been in direct contradiction, keeping their promise to someone else, and not me.

You can imagine how much damage this type of behavior can cause to an already tense situation. I can only imaging how that would have affected the situation few years ago.

A few years ago, I would have allowed this person's stories to sit with me, to create more frustration, betrayal and anger. Just sitting there hearing it, would have made my head spin with all of these irrational thoughts about this individual.

Had I allowed this to happen, picture what would have happened in my conversation with the other person when I did finally see them or respond to them.

It would have been explosive, the ramifications of "my actions" in feeling slighted in this way would have truly messed up a budding relationship between myself and this other individual.

All I kept hearing my mind say was... "How is this relevant to my situation?"

Fortunately for me, I took the high road. I addressed the situation calmly and was specific as to a prior conversation that had taken place, and advised them that they were mistaken.

Guess what happened? The party, that I was upset with acknowledged what I said, and followed through.

Imagine had I allowed the other person's stories and words to color my experience? It wouldn't have worked out well and the foundation in the relationship I was building with the initial person who I was upset with, would have been heavily cracked.

You have to pay attention to other people's motives when they share in your stories.

You need to separate and divide these things "for yourself" and take things from a higher perspective.

Reason and thinking things through can help you greatly.

In the future too, I would strongly suggest trying not to discuss issues with the person who was feeding into it negatively.

If they do hear it, you need to address it and ask them directly why they would feed into something, which already has the potential to blow up in everyone's face as it is.

Watch the excuses flow folks...

Don't buy into what other's say, learn to think for yourself and create relationships with others on your terms, in a healthy and communicative way.

Stop.
Think.
Address.

Don't asssume the worst in someone else because a situation is same or similar. Do, know what you know, understand you'll have these times where same or similar situations trigger a strong response from you.

Learn how to talk yourself down from that place. Learn WHO you can talk to about these things so it's not enhanced by someone else's "stuff". Then address it with the person directly, in a calm and rational manner. You react badly, they'll react badly. It's just that simple.

Difficult to process at the time perhaps, but the high road, in the end, makes for more trust in a relationship and opens the door for more understanding in the future.

If, that's what you want. If you want to walk around bitter and feeling like the poor mistreated? Have it at... I chose not to.

You KNOW you're going to do it... but you still ask others for their opinion

I was reading a newsletter I get on finances and learning how to budget money, save money, etc.

Someone wrote into this person and was talking about their washing machine that broke. They had one line about fixing it, one line as to ALL the reasons to buy a new one, one line about dipping into their emergency fund, one line about buying a new one (again), one line about how much would the writer suggest be a good price, and one line about how much better a new one would be energy efficiency wise and going green wise.

Are you seeing a little pattern here? :) I did. The person WANTED the new machine ... they probably knew they shouldn't do it, because they didn't want to dip into the emergency fund (which is why it's there) but still had all these pluses to going out and purchasing the new machine. To me they were looking for validation or someone to say, "it's okay for you to do this, I approve" ... kind of like asking permission with all these really good reasons as to why to definitely BUY the new machine.

I thought... as I grinned to myself, they just want the new machine, why are they writing in?

How manytimes have you guys here, been in this situation?

You know what you need to do.
You know the right thing to do or the wise thing to do.
But you're desire to have or do whatever it is that you're trying to rationalize over powers the common sense end of the entire situation?

You know you're going to do it.
You're kind of just looking for permission to do it.

No matter how much good advise you get, you think to yourself how this is a risk you're willing to take.

Now, granted, if you are truly okay with doing whatever it is... you wouldn't need input. Because on a much deeper level, with any situation that you're dealing with, if your asking another person, and laying it out so well as to the "why" and "why not" you've probably already made up your mind if you have a good argument as to why you should vs. why you shouldn't.

People are going to do what they want to do. The most important thing, I believe is to WAIT ... Wait a little while and REALLY think things through.

Ignore that vicious pull towards doing something you KNOW may not be the wisest thing over the long term and give yourself time to process the emotions that are coming with the story your either justifying to yourself or feel that you need some sort of approval or permission about.

Granted, when you are trying to figure something out, it's good to look at the pro's and con's of any situation. I'll give them that. Definitely.

At the same time... we ulitmately deal with the outcome of our choices. We wouldn't want to follow through with something that deep down we "KNOW" isn't going to be good for us. Whether it be financially, in our personal relationships or in any other situation.

Deep down, you have an idea as to what it is you should or should not do. Sometimes when people are thinking something through like this, all they hear are the positive things that people will say which are "for" the situation and not against. Because that's what they WANT to hear. They've already made up their mind.

Every been in this situation? Someone asks you for advise, you are not emotionally attached to the outcome, you give it to them and they go and do the exact opposite? :)

Or how about being on the other side of this? Ever ask for advise, get it, do it anyway?

Pro and con lists are awesome. What trumps this list is how a person feels about whatever it is and how much delicious gratification or pleasure they're going to get from it.

I'd say WAIT ... give it time to simmer a bit... THEN make a decision when you're not "as" emotionally attached to the situation.

Then follow through with your decision. How you feel, the attachment you have to whatever outcome this is, you may already have your answers. It may be a matter of you don't want that as your answer. You'd prefer what you really want instead of processing it thoroughly.

Never underestimate the power of the emotional curve that is "I want that" ... "I reeeeeeeeeeally want that"!

If you wait, you may find yourself making better decisions...

Letting Go and Moving On...This is important.

Some life experiences are things that people simply have a difficult time getting over. I understand this.

So they talk about it and they talk about it, because it makes them feel better and they blow off steam. Unless they're stuck in the middle of feeling like a victim and moving past the situation which can take a longer time period for some.

If you're pay attention, there are some who tell their story, get advise, then they find another person who feeds into the hate or discontent that they have about the situation.

It can be by saying the initial person is right and a good person and the other person is bad. This is VERY validating to someone.

This can't be soooo bad, feelings are validated, old hurts are seemingly appeased or start to heal. This is great! Right?

Well, that depends. Sometimes the initial person starts to compile all this proof that the other person is so bad and continues to look for this validation from others and agree with them that they start to gloat on just how bad the other person REALLY IS and how GOOD they are... that they "seem" to be healing or moving past the situation, but in reality they're still hurt over it, still holding onto the situation and still looking repeatedly to make themselves "right" and the other party "wrong".

Following me?

It may very well be true, all that they're saying about someone else.

However the true healing comes when they recognize that they need to let go of the old hurts and situations, that they have no control over the other persons actions or lack thereof.

It comes with viewing the situation from a third party perspective where they make a decision to forgive that other person for all that they've done.

It doesn't mean to forgive them to allow the other person to do it again. Certainly not. Lessons should be learned and boundaries should be set. Definitely.

However when there's this glimmer of "glee" when others validate the original story, over and over again... that's not part of the healing process. That's simply a way to continue to hold onto the past and not move forward.

With this type of person you're not going to change how they think or how they feed into the original problem over and over again. They have to see it... they have to acknowledge what the benefit they're getting from this constant validation over a situation really is.

A person who has moved past a situation, doesn't continually talk about it.

Doesn't suck people into it and look for even more validation and the your "right" they're "wrong" feedback.

What they are going to do is to let go of the story and CHOSE to NOT feed into it anymore by either talking about it or by removing that person from their life completely.

Why have a person in your life who causes you so much emotional duress.

Why keep talking about a situation when you've gotten the validation and understanding that you need?

Why continue looking for those small, seemingly insignificant opportunities to talk about it or find out what another person is doing... thereby feeding into your own healing process in a negative way?

Letting go of a situation where we've been hurt, can feel very difficult.

When you grow emotionally as a person and you learn to forgive others for not knowing... this is when you start recognizing that while a situation may have hurt you, you can learn from it and move forward.

Not hold onto it by having others around you feed into it, not by doing little things to get validation from others, not by gloating when someone else agrees with you.

You know, THEY were WRONG .. YOU were RIGHT!

This mentality can turn you into a martyr really quickly.

What you want, is to be understood and then heal from the situation.

Accept that whatever the other person did they did on their own. It didn't have anything specifically to do with YOU ... it was their "stuff" and their beliefs or lack thereof that caused them to do it.

Then, letting it go, learning healthy ways to not be around someone like this.

We all have a choice in life, who we let in and who we kick out.

If a person is around us is toxic, over time you can see this and no matter how much you may wish things were different, it is what it is. Why feed into it more?

Continuing to feed into it, isn't good for a person, no matter how much they think they're moving past it, they're not. Because they're still looking, over and over again for that validation.

At some point, a person has to move past the story and what happened, heal and gain a better understanding of themselves and what they're going to do on a personal level to make themselves happy.

Sometimes, yes, this feels easier said than done. Been there done that. However, it CAN be done... People have to decide that they are not going to allow this other person to have any emotional control over them any more.

They're walking around doing their thing aren't they? No matter what you think, how many times you tell your story, no matter how many people empathise with your or say you were right they were wrong... you're still telling the same story over and over again and feeding into your own discontent.

They are happily going on their merry way, knowing they can get to you, or that they have gotten to you OR already over it.

So when you're done getting your validation and understanding, venting about a situation and blowing off steam, change your focus to deciding that you are not going to allow this other person to interfere with your life or your own personal happiness.

You can do it... go on.

Setting the bar too high. Is there such a thing?

Sue T I'm writing back to a friend of mine this morning and they were saying how they wondered if sometimes we are setting the bar too high.

I think it's more about if we have people around us who support the bar. If we're around others who are complacent or who put down what our personal goals are, we may start to believe, due to their negativity or lack of support that "we" are setting the bar too high.

We may tend to absorb their negative feelings and thoughts.

Kind of like, "What makes you think you can do that?"

Or ...

"You should have something stable and secure."

I tell you, is anything in this day and age stable and secure? As a matter of fact, to contradict this popular thought process these days that there's a lack, there are plenty of people out there I know who are working, who are making a living and who are moving towards what they want.

Maybe not at the speed they would like however, they readjust and reprioritize their goals at times, and they move forward

In having a goal and learning to reprioritize when necessary, it means we're not willing to sit back and not contribute to our own happiness.

Just because something we wanted didn't work right away, doesn't mean that we can't have what we want. It means that we have to keep trying until it happens.

It also means we have to keep looking at what we're doing to see if we have enough information or are educating ourselves on what we need to do.

If you look at my experiences with my job search over the past three years, in looking for an environment that I liked and where I enjoyed going to work. I couldn't seem to find it. Right?

Those of you who have been members here a while, know what I'm talking about.

Some could say, "Well it was YOU Sue..." (Maybe I set the bar too high in what I was looking for.)

How could that be though? I have an environment now that I like... can you imagine if I had accepted where I was, financially, emotionally and just sucked it up and stayed where I didn't feel good?

Now, my resume, looks like a mess. That was a deterent to some firms. Mind you, I said "some" firms. Other firms looked at how I changed my positions and said, "WOW you've got a lot of experience!" ...

It's all about perception isn't it? Yes.

And in spite of the appearance of my resume, I found a place that fits me. It's not that I can wear jeans to work. Although, that is such a perk. :)

It's that I, overall like where I am, what I do, who I work with on a daily basis... that was the goal. And I'm making better money. That was the goal as well.

My overall goals were to not be stressed about going to work due to the people there.

To find a position where I was paid what I'm worth.

To find a place where I didn't experience anxiety and put off getting ready in the morning because I "just did not want to go".

It took me a while didn't it? I had a lot of ups and downs and ... sometimes I thought, maybe other people are right. Maybe my goal to find this "is wrong".

Maybe it doesn't exist.

Now, is that true? No. It's not. I've proven that by finding what works for me.

I also was fortunate enough to have other places where the environments were what I liked, but didn't realize it at the time, to fall back on. I had proof that what I was looking for "DID" exist. We can forget that sometimes when we're trying so hard.

Could I have thought that I set the bar to high? Certainly.

Did I want to buy into that thought process?

Absolutely not.

So, when someone asks you if you're setting the bar too high, what do you say?

How do you feel?

What are you going to do, whether you succeed the first few times or not, to continue to go for what you want?

I'm not saying it wasn't difficult to keep a positive perspective on looking for what I wanted. I felt pretty awful sometimes. I thought, maybe it doesn't exist? Maybe it's me... Maybe I should have stayed at this one particular place instead of rocking the boat and striving for more.

I had doubts many times. I'm sure some of my friends may have had doubts too.

However I held a belief, based on my past experiences, that this kind of place existed and that I would find it. The fact that it seemed to take forever, and inbetween there were circumstances beyond my control where things that I literally could not control.

I had to shuffle things around, I had to hold onto my thought process that I was doing the right thing. I didn't want to buy into the thought process that I had to suck it up and "tolerate" bad behavior from the people around me.

You know, statements like, "Well every job has that person or something we don't like."

I thought... Yah, this may be true but ... just how much to people tolerate if it's something that doesn't roll off?

And why would I want to tolerate that?

So I kept at it, I kept trying, failure after failure... I kept looking. I had one friend who offered to help me with my resume and wipe out the mess that it seemed to be.

I thanked them a whole lot but I figured if I started out that way, we'd both have to answer questions about what I'd been doing which ... would really be a yarn. I appreciated the offer a whole lot. I really wanted to do it too. Seemed like I should just accept that maybe the kind of place that I wanted/needed didn't exist anymore.

I'm glad to say, I didn't set the bar "too high"... because now I go to a place where I enjoy being. For the most part. Don't get me wrong there's stress and some interpersonal stuff as we get used to each other that crops up but it's nothing like what I've been through in the past.

It's not "tolerable" it's "workable"... big difference in that.

So, in closing, because I have to work out now... is there such a thing as setting the bar too high?

I don't think so.

I think we need to pay attention to what we want, maybe reprioritize things, learn other things but overall... shifting doesn't equal failure. And I can tell you, I had doubts... it didn't equal my desire to be happy at my day job though.

Sometimes it was really hard. Make no mistake!

Now I think, imagine the things we wouldn't have in our life if we quit every time things got difficult?

That would be a shame... right?

So, is there such a thing as setting the bar too high?

I don't think so... You?

Does it Make You Think? Michael Jackson's passing...

On Friday I was talking about Michael Jackson's passing work and I wanted to know why people cry when someone famous like this passed. I thought it was an immense shame, but I didn’t feel the need to cry. Although I've seen many crying in the news.

Over the next few days, radio stations, MTV, and a couple other tv/radio stations began playing the wide array of music that he had done.

One by one, memories started coming back in my mind about different times in my own life and where I was at the time. I watched the videos with great reflection on Michael Jackson’s behalf. If that’s possible… Meaning I watched him, "really" watched him perform. Watched who he was ... thought about the things he had been through, what he was accused of in life. I wondered at one point, if he simply just got tired.

He was conditioned by an abusive father to be the best. To practice until he got it right. At least these are the stories I’ve heard over the years. His focus was to be “the best singer”, “the best artist”, "the best performer" to have fame, recognition. All things he was taught were important. And he certainly shinned, didn’t he? I think so…

I watched these videos and I thought about how he never learned the simple things. The things we may take for granted. Although I know he had charities and things the he contributed to throughout his life. I'm talking about “for himself” as an individual… it seemed there wasn’t very much. You know, as a human being.

Loved by millions, not loved by one. And he was a corky fella… You could see his style in the many video’s. I watched, the fire, his dedication, the impecable dancing and singing. He was truly masterfull.

Yet… here’s this guy who has brought so many memories to others. For some, solace from some things and memories from different times. Memories revived which has now come from his passing. And to die, in this way… so senseless. A waste … on so many levels.

I have a favorite song that he did when he was married to Lisa Marie Presley. It's entitled, “You Are Not Alone". The first time I ever heard that song I was living in the shore area in a house I really loved. It was an old house, falling apart but I really liked it there. Hearing the song that day brought me to tears the first time I heard it and I still can get choked up today when I hear it again.

I wasn’t looking out or “for” any new releases of any kind from him. I kind of heard the music and took for granted the massive amount of talent that he had.

I think this is a good reminder to not let life slip through our fingers. To not take things for granted… and to not assume because someone has wealth and fame, that they’re happy.

I’d take both myself. Actually I would have happy, healthy and wealthy… not necessarily fame, that has it’s own issues.

I have to say, now that it’s sunk in a bit… I understand more why people cry when someone like this young fella passes. And make no mistake… he was a young fella. 50 is not old… not in this day and age with people living longer lives.

They hear a song, they’re in a certain place, it brings back memories for them and that hope a song can bring to people. The heart it can touch. They have an emotional attachment to all that this person has acheived in their life. This guy, meant “something” to so many people… for so many different reasons… I can see it now. It took me a couple days to absorb the whole thing however, I see it now.

I’m glad he’s in a place, where he will be eternally happy now. R.I.P… You’re free. (MJ)

The other thing that comes to mind for me is, does something like this make us question our own mortality?

We could be gone in an instant. Not under Michael Jackson's cirumstances (or maybe, you never know) but an accident or ... some unforseen "something".

By the end of today I started to think, wouldn't this have us considering our own mortality. I have ...

I mean, look at this man. Acheived all these things and he was, sadly, a mess.

What about the rest of you? I am in no way inferring that anyone here is a mess but what are the things we just assume will be there?

That's not true. History tells us this isn't true, yet we tempt fate all the time and take for granted the time we have and what we do. I'm not saying all the time, I am saying I think it happens to some of us, some of the time.

I think it's a very interesting thought process...

Emotional Reactions - Communication Skills

I had a woman call the office yesterday. She was trying to fax something that my boss apparently was "on her" about getting to us, so we could get the guy's insurance to authorize treatment.

So, she calls, asks if the fax is working properly... and this is how it went. This is not "exactly" what was said but it's pretty close.

Her: Is the fax working?
Me: Yes.
Her: Well I've been trying to fax this information your boss needed and it's not going through!
Me: Is your phone number blocked? I think our machine doesn't accept faxes from blocked phone numbers.
Her: Can't you fix that? He (my boss) was very insistent about getting these records to him "today".
Me: I'm not sure how to take that feature off.
Her: Well (Now she starts getting frustrated and loud at me.) If you want these records (not me mind you, my boss) I don't see why YOU can't FIX this issue so I can fax them!
Me: You know, in the same breath I could say, can you take the block off of your number so our machine can accept the fax. What I"m saying is, I don't know how to do that. I would, however I'm not able to.
Her: WELL ... can I mail them? (obviously frustrated now and getting more and more aggressive)
Me: Sure, I don't see why not, we'd have them by Monday I'm sure.
Her: (She seems to start to have some kind of anxiety attack at this point) Your boss was on the phone with me yesterday and he really needed these!
Me: I understand that, I will tell him there's an issue with the machine and let him know you'll mail them.
Her: I don't see why you can't just fix YOUR MACHINE!
(Holy crap)
Me: Listen, this is not between you and me, this is a technical issue that can't be helped, yelling at me isn't going to remedy the situation and this is not personal, there's no need to yell.
Her: Tell your boss that in the future I"m not going to go to these lengths and have this problem!
Me: I will not tell him that, if you have something you want to say to him, you can tell him yourself. That is between you and him, not you and me.
Her: Well leave him a message!
Me: I'll be happy to.

Then the call ended with us agreeing she would mail the records. Which were faxed later... either she fixed her machine or ... maybe it was busy or something. Whose to say?

Now... for saying so's sake, when my boss wants something he comes across pretty strongly. So I can understand her anxiety and poor reaction to not being able to do it.

HOWEVER folks... this is not for one person to take out on another... It's unacceptable behavior.

If you're working "with" someone who is getting more and more aggressive with you, there are boundaries to set with that person as I did above. By advising her that it wasn't personal, that it was a techinical issue that she and I didn't have to get into it over this issue. As she got more aggressive with me, I set and enforced the boundary that this was not personal and that it wasn't going to work if she was yelling at me.

How is this good communication? Well, you're stopping the fight before getting baited into it.

Meaning, you're not feeding into the drama or the false accusations of the other person who starts to lash out at YOU.

You're stopping it by advising them that it's not personal, it's not between you and them. In this case it was a technical issue that neither could remedy.

You're also stopping a miscommunication between YOU and your BOSS ... by relaying a nasty message when if the person has something they need to say TO THE OTHER PARTY that's on THEM to relay. Not you.

If I had relayed that message, he would have snapped at me (maybe...) and I would have had to deflect THAT ... because of relaying a message. I'm not up for that. If she had an issue with him, she could tell him herself. Very simple. I didn't need to be in the middle of that and I wasn't going to be put in the middle of that.

We can get easily roped into a situation due to OUR reaction to another individual.

What is important to remember, as YOUR emotional reactions start to take over ... is that when another party is anxious or starts lashing out at YOU for something that you're trying to help them with...

You have to set a boundary.
You have to reverse and stop them from placing the blame on YOU and advise them what their options ARE.
You have to remember that this is not personal and remind them of this as well.
You can also advise them that them yelling at you isn't going to help the situation. (Mind you, some won't handle this well either.)
You can also advise them if they have something to say to a third party, they can call back at a later time and speak to said person.


IF you have to relay a nasty message to someone and that someone gets angry... that's also not going to be "at you".

You can do the same thing with the person who hears the message.

I'm only relaying a message if you need to talk to this person, tell them. Don't tell me.

People tend to have others tell someone else certain things at times and to me that's poor communication.

If we have something to say... we need to remember a few things.

Don't kill the messenger.
When someone is trying to help you, it's not fair to take your anxiety out on them.
Don't attack the people you call and ask for help.
Working with someone is going to get you a lot farther than lashing out at them because MOST people will empathize with you and help if you treat them with respect.
Think about WHAT it is that's set you off and learn how to set boundaries with "the individual" who set you off in the first place.

What is the worst thing that can happen if you set a boundary with someone?

They'll get angry? Anger is a reaction... which can be side stepped with proper communication.

Now, there are those who just get angry at everything... in those times, call a spade a spade and work around them.

However, if you learn to hear when a conversation is not being flipped "ON YOU" because of the other person's issues. You'll have a much better chance of side stepping getting sucked into an argument or debate that really has nothing to do with you.

Try it... I mean, what's the worst thing that could happen?

Maybe you'll feel some anxiety as you start doing this.
That's normal because you're exercising something new. It will pass as you get better at it.

After I got off the phone, I did need to vent a little bit... something like, "You're not sucking me into YOUR little drama today! So not going to yell at me over something that neither of us have any control over!" HMMPH!"

LOL :) My personal goal is to not have to vent at all... but emotions are tricky. When I had to set the boundary in the first place, it was because her behavior was unacceptable. That's a big no, no with me. Because I treat others with respect and I don't tolerate the opposite behavior from them.

I'm VERY communicative and helpful... so if a person isn't working with me, they're inevitably working against me. We can't work together if we've got some adverserial stance going. That's just ... what?

Stupid. :) No one wins, no one gets what they need done and then you're angry at some person over something that could easily have been remedied.

Why have that mess up your day? I say, don't have it mess up your day. Learn how to hear when a conversation is going south and how to bring it back to a place where you're both listening.

Sue T.

Why should YOU have to apologize! ?

I remember reading an article a while back, years back, and in it they were talking about how if someone reacted badly to something that we said, we should "stop talking" and "apologize" ...

I remember thinking... "You're kidding me right? Why should I have to apologize for THEIR bad behavior or reaction? Hmmmph! Hell no..."

Until ... one day, I was having a "strong disagreement" with another person. They had misunderstood something I said and were reacting in a way which was far from being open to listening to what I was saying.

They continued being defensive and beligerent ... and I continued to try to express what I was trying to say and meeting with no results whatsoever.

I thought to myself, "When did this conversation start to go south?" I rewound about 3 minutes back and found that point where they stopped listening... I thought, "Oh, Okay... let me start over."

I went back to that part of the conversation and I said that I was sorry if "this part of the conversation" appeared to them as if I was saying x,y,z however that was not my intention. What I was saying was this... and I explained it at more length to them.

Well, whattaya know about that? They became more open to listening ... they stopped being defensive and the more questions I asked them, which were simple ones such as,

"Why would I do something like this (?) and what would give you any indication that I would ever do something like that?"

Apologizing doesn't mean you're going to back down from what you want or that you're "weak" and the other person is going to get over on you. The idea of it is to acknowledge the other person where they started to misunderstand what you've said and start over.

I used to think it was all about winning and/or losing. Someone had to win and someone had to lose. Or at least I was going to be heard.

This doesn't work out well in conversations though because no one wins when no one is listening.

In apologizing you're taking responsibility for maybe having worded something the wrong way, restating what you meant by that one misstatement and then moving forward past that point.

The goal is for both people to be "heard" not to keep beating each other up until you both throw up your hands in frustration, the conversation is circular, never has an ending and no one at all is understood and nothing is resolved.

It's about taking responsibility for ourselves in what we say and what we're doing.

I'm not saying we have to "own" another person's bad behavior at any time... I am saying that to start over, apologize for where the other person misunderstood what we've said is an excellent means by which to actually have both people be heard. Then you can come to an understanding... trust is built up, not broken down and you'll also find that future conversations will be better as well. Especially as you establish trust with the other person.

Maybe you're thinking, why the hell should YOU have to use these tactics? Why can't other people do it!

Honestly because most people are not the best communicators. If you want results, and you want to find a way to talk to others in a way the yeild mutuality in a conversation, it's an easy thing to do. Over time you'll find they are more open to other conversations as well. They will pick this up "from you" and as you go, the relationship becomes stronger as you learn how to communicate cleaner with one another.

There are those people who would assume that if you're apologizing that they're RIGHT about something. That's not really the goal. It's the farthest thing from the truth too. Both people have a point which needs to be heard and understood.

If you taking this step makes that happen, it's not a bad thing.

If anything it's showing more strength to go back and start over, from where things began to get hairy, and actually achieve what you want to.

Nobody wins when no one is heard.

Little food for thought today. :)

It's not how you are alike, It's how you are DIFFERENT

Sometimes we meet or know someone with same or similar issues as we have. On a deeper level of who we are... we point out to this person how we are alike in this area and maybe sometimes they agree.

You have your reasons, they have theirs but the outcome is the same ... you both have this issue that you contend with differently.

See... we want to identify and have something in common with another individual. A friend maybe, or a possible romantic love interest ... co-worker... etc., however ... just because you may have this "something" in common, does not mean that you are "alike".

It doesn't mean that the other person is a good fit for you, it doesn't mean that in this area that you can be supportive of one another in a way that is helpful for the two of you. It doesn't mean that you are so alike that being together is going to heal any old wounds that you both may have.

The thing to keep in mind, when you identify with someone in this way, is that it doesn't mean that they would enhance your life or be a good fit for you "just because" you have this personal issue in common.

It's how you differ, what you've chosen to do with your life, how you've worked at your own personal version of this "common" issue that makes all the difference.

You may have done quite a bit of work on yourself and worked this out. You hear same or similar things from another person, you make an assumption that they would understand you because of this similarity. They very well may understand you... it doesn't mean that they've done anything to move through whatever this particular issue is.

In this, comes BIG differences in your persons... You recognize it, you've changed... you've grown. They, on the other hand, are only telling the story ... and not really focusing on how this issue has affected them, nor are they making lasting changes by addressing it.

You'll find they play the same record over and over again, you'll hear the same things over and over again. Initially you may assume that because they say it, or agree with you that you are like minded.

This is not entirely true. There are people who admit to things and do not change and there are people who admit to things, absorb into "their own mind and life" that this is not serving them and make lasting change and attempts to work through it.

So... the reality becomes that... while you "are" alike in this old wound or similarity in experiences... It's how you are different that is the most important aspect of this common ground that you see.

The differences are great when one person is still commiserating and the other has moved past this issue.

Yet... initially, this common ground, this issue ... if you will that you two have in common ... does not make you compatable with them, it doesn't make you the expert on their life or how they can work things out.

It is still entirely up to that person to see their issue, to go and get the help they need, to work things out for themselves.

You can see how you differ over time. Over their actions and how they may talk about it, yet ... they talk the talk, but they're not walkin' the walk. Meaning they aren't "really", "really" doing something to make a lasting change ... like perhaps you have... in being healthier as an individual.

My suggestion when you see this common ground in the future is to not take this common thread and assume that they are "so much" like you that it would be a good fit.

Wait and see ... What you wouldn't want is to misread the other person's sharing as an indication that they've done the work on themselves and are changing or have become healthier. It reveals itself through their actions, or lack thereof.

Pay attention... wait and see.

Talk is cheap, action is priceless.

You've Changed... They haven't

As you go through your own personal changes, mature emotionally and begin processing how you feel better and defining who it is that you "really" are or want to be... there are things that you're going to start noticing about the people around you that may catch you by surprise.

As an example, maybe your group of friends were great before you began to examine your life then later on after you've put all this time and work into who YOU are... you recognize how negative those friendships really were/are for you.

Say you have a group of friends who are consistently complaining and blaming everyone else for everything and anything possible. It's not uncommon ... personal accountability can be lacking in many areas of a persons life.

You've started to recognize how what you do, or what you don't do affects other areas of your life, so you start taking responsibility for your contributions or lack thereof, to a situation... Things start shifting for the better! You now have a clearer perspective and view of what you would like to change and you begin to impliment these changes.

You go to share these things with the group of people who you've been comiserating with all these years and they... don't understand. They're still inadvertently roping you into drama, issues, pointing fingers at someone else for their troubles, instead of recognizing, as you have ... that personal accountability does not mean that everything is our fault... it's more about taking steps to recognize what does or does not work "for them" and learning how to start doing things differently.

So what happens? They say YOU'VE changed and they can't talk to you anymore... because you don't understand like you used to!

Eventually those people are going to fall off and out of your life. They're still stuck...

You've decided to make your life better ... you've started to invest in yourself and what you want, and they can't seem to see the bigger picture of making these changes.

The truth is that you've developed a healthier mindset and lifestyle and they haven't seen the value of this yet.

Which is a shame because you now know, how much happier they could be, if they began to take note of themselves and their own contributions to the problems they are having.

How many of you have made changes in your life for the better and found old friendships began to drop off ?

How many have made changes and started to recognize how a particular group of people tend to suck the life out of you? Whereas other newer interests and groups of people make you feel supported and really good about yourself?

How many wish that they could bop their old friends over the head and get them to truly see how much better things would be, "if only".

How many of you understand that it took YOU this long to change and you have to be patient with them? Course... they have to see it and until they begin to understand that doing things differently, that you can't do anything really except by example.

Any time you begin to make changes for the better, the other people in your life or group are going to resist. Unless they've beat you to it and YOU were the person resistant :) ...

You can't beat them over the head and make them come with you.

They have to be ready. Just like you...

In the meantime, you can try to be supportive of them, but not at your personal expense of going backwards.

If you've changed, you'll find so does your circle of friends. You're going to WANT people around you who make you feel good, supported, validated and understood. Who are going to help you to think things through better, to make changes that help you to get what you personally want in your life ...

We, sadly, at times... begin to see the negative affects that the old group had on us and we start shying away from that group. And for good reason... we just do not feel good anymore being around them.

It never means that we're "better" than the other person. Heck at some point, we WERE that person.

It means that we are striving to be better as an individual ... and that's okay.

It means that sometimes we have to let old relationships go... especially when being around them, makes us feel bad.

Sure there's remorse that comes with this... I don't know a person on earth who doesn't have mixed feelings with letting go of a friendship or a person who makes them feel bad ... At the same time, if you truly WANT your life to change and be better... sometimes you have to let these people go... at least for a while.

Maybe you're changing will help them to recognize that they are not as stuck as they thought... but, again, they have to see it...

It may take years... they may not grasp what you're doing... That's just frustrating. Course, I know for a fact that I've frustrated many people along my journey, that's for sure! :)

My point, as I go on here, is ... dont allow another individual's fear or lack of self awareness to make you stay the same. Or to make you think that there's something wrong with you for wanting something better or more in your life.

You need to do, for yourself, what you need to do for yourself... it's important to recognize this.

It's either that... or leaving things as they are. That's not working for you... and I wouldn't want to see anyone not do something because someone else was resistant to it.

You've got enough resistance :) of your own to contend with.

Do it anyway... take the time to pay attention to yourself and see what you want. Start doing it... You may lose some people who drag you backwards... what you gain, is less negative energy and thoughts from them. You don't need that baggage anymore. Do you?

It's your turn to decide that you would like your life to be different...

Don't inadvertently allow negative people around you to stop you.

That would be a shame... truly.

Illusion of Time... How does it affect you?

At my day job, I'm a legal assistant. I work in a nice firm, with cool people, and A LOT of work! :)

In a law office, you "always" have work. If you say you don't have something to do, you're not looking around yourself enough. There's always something to do and if you want to be ahead, you'd better keep your eyes open.

There are deadlines, court hearings, arbitrations, trials, etc. You can have so much work, you don't know where to start and where to stop!

Such is my desk :) ... An interesting thought process came up for me over the past couple of months that I want to share with all of you.

It's the illusion of time... It's relevant, you'll see.

I've been going in on the weekends from say 5:00 - 6:00 a.m., so I could be ahead of time frames and ahead of all the work on my desk. Usually, lots of firms do certain documents the day before an arbitration. My goal is to have that puppy done and out at minimum a week or, if I'm really focused... two weeks "prior" to the hearing.

That requires ME to do some significant shifting in how I run my desk and the work that comes across it. Including but not limited to the interuptions, phone calls, emergencies, etc.,

I also... don't like being all wigged out that I'll be down to the wire, that stresses me out. I dont' like being stressed out... it feels "bad".

So to alleviate that AND to be ahead... I go in on the weekend for like 4/5 hours, I'm done by 9:30 - 10:00 a.m. and there are NO distractions... just me, my mp3 player and pure uninterupted work time. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHH... no interuptions, no phones, no nuttin! YES!

How time is relevant is... the first few times I did it, I'd go in on a monday with this false sense of security that the rest of the week would be a breeze. I was wrong...

With all the things I mentioned which is and are a distraction, I lost time anyway...

Why? :) Because I made an assumption, not based on FACT ... that in doing the extra on the weekend and having my desk be massively organized according to due dates and scheduling etc., that I had more time.

So what did I do? I stopped working at a frenzied pace.

Meaning, not that I didn't still do everything that I was supposed to do, but I made the assumption that I now had all this TIME ... w/o considering that if I kept at the pace I was going "prior" to going in on the weekends I could be ... as much as MONTH ahead and have no stress whatsoever.

Wouldn't that be a massively wonderful goal. Especially considering that my goal is a week to two weeks.

So, I'd go in... I"d have this illusion of control wherein I'd feel like I'd have ALL THIS TIME to get to things...

Yet ... it wasn't true. Time kept slipping through my fingers... the days still zipped by and I still had all the normal distractions during the week and the work still pours in and... POOF... all that time disappeared.

I decided, after seeing this little pattern of mine where I had an illusion of time and deadlines being met in advance due to my going in on the weekend that... I had to make time my friend.

Use it to my advantage. Right? Can you do that?

Sure you can... this weekend I went in not with the idea of cleaning up certain items which have dates on them but to clean up the busy work like putting files away, diarying them, follow ups, filing etc., that takes time away.

Then, I did an arbitration package which is due on April 2, 2009 ... if I want to have time be my friend and be ahead of it... instead of doing the "right now" stuff... which is okay to set aside a little bit... I did the stuff that I'm not able to "get" to because there's so much to do. So the goal was to go in and do the first arbitration package that was due and have it prepped and ready.

If I wait, until I do the other stuff, times going to catch up to me... and it's going to be done the day before. I'm not having that kind of stress... nope.

My goal, is to destress myself so much that time is no longer an issue because I've used it wisely.

Not this other thought process of "the illusion of control" over time where I dont manage it properly.

It may seem so silly to write about this but I think the illusion of control over time is something very important to talk about, becuase it affects many other things.

Life... how many of you were 20 years old a minute ago? I know I was... I'm only 22 :) LOL ...

We can't control time but we can control what we do with it and make it manageable... we can use it to our advantage and focus on how to use it wisely. Like I'm doing at work...

Focus is the primary goal here. Whatever it is that you're doing, you can restructure it to make things easier, less adrenaline filled and more smooth... I like the hustle and bussle HOWEVER ... doing things and getting ahead... where you can produce things and do things in a way where you're not always rushing... and thank goodness I have a boss who gave me the key :) ... and the ability to go in and use the early morning silence to my advantage... whenever I want to... makes other things mroe streamlined too.

Think about it... I know lots of you have massive workloads or things that can run you ragged... I don't think it has to be that way... If there's a way to manage your time more efficiently, find it... I've tried several different processes and the most recent is to start the package and do nothing else... but the package when I go in... a file review, based on how large it is can take a good ... 4/5 hours... that's a long time. When it's uninterupted it can still take that long but it's still faster and it's not being interupted.

Then you're ahead... We don't want you to fall into the "illusion of control" when it comes to time... and assume that becuase you're ahead in one area, that other area's aren't going to come and distract you from making more time by doing the extra.

You want to focus on the long term of managing it in a way that's going to help you overall.

Thoughts? I tell ya :) I'm a happy clam right now... LOL :)

Oh... was it worth getting up that early? Sure it was... because in wanting this goal to be accomplished, I had to shift some things and chores in my daily routine too... I had to make that more efficient and make some changes.

Nothing is engraved in stone... NOTHING... don't fall prey to the illusion of control over time or life... it's going to come and go... what you do or don't do, is all relevant.

Dont' you think?

Awful Plastic Surgery and Aging... Where are you?

Most of the pictures in the site http://www.awfulplasticsurgery.com/category/cher/ are of celebrities. One woman's face, due to her perception of how she looked... was so altered that she wasn't attractive at all anymore. Joan Rivers is a good example, Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett and a slew of other actors and actresses all had nose jobs or work done on their faces and their bodies too.

The even have implants for guys arms to make their biceps and triceps look bigger. Talk about obsession. Wow.

I sat looking at these photographs in the site for about 40 minutes last night... I liked most of the before pictures, specially when you see what could happen if you go over board under the knife.

Saturday I went to my dentist. This is relevant :) bear with me. I went to the dentist and he did a big scaling and cleaning ... and he shaved my lower teeth down a little bit, and a top tooth a little bit too.

He handed me a mirror and before I looked I said, "If I don't seem to like it immediately, keep in mind that I've seen myself the same way for a number of years and it may take me a while psychologically to accept the newer view." He says, it looks great, you'll see.

I looked and it was "okay"... it took me until I got home and looked again to think... hmmm... yah, that's pretty good.

When I looked in the mirror, due to all the faces I was making and aging myself, all the fine lines in my forehead and around my eyes were really winking at me. Actually, they were waving madly! I told him, I think you just aged me 10 years... Yah, like they weren't there before? Suuuure they weren't.

Everyone is affected, whether they admit it or not, by what they perceive to be perfection in themselves. Heck, even the prettiest women in hollywood changed things about their faces.

As I age, I notice the fine lines, thankfully they're laugh lines, not frown lines. I have them in my forehead from the many expressions I make, not so much around my eyes, around my mouth ... you know those apostrophe's we can have there from smiling. Course, the skin begins to lose elasticity over time ... my neck started to get what I call chicken skin. Which is simply, if you look at a person in their 40's or up, the skin on their neck loses some of it's elasticity and doesn't bounce back like it used to.

Initially I saw these changes, which are ever so slow, but when you're tired or didn't do the whole face regimine thing they seem pretty pronounced.

Which brings me to face lifts. Wow, the botched facelifts I saw pictures of. The writer on the site called them "the wind tunnel" look. And it was true... how much skin can you pull back, while it's losing it's elasticity and have it look normal?

The face is going to age and the symetry will all be shifted with any work that's done. As that starts happening people start wanting to fix more and more. Have implants in their faces to make their face look... well, I guess younger and more youthful... I guess. But, it comes out looking ... all puffy and distorted.

My thing, is ... why not appreciate what we have? Accept aging as part of growing older. We can't change that, we're going to age. It's inevitable.

Same goes to lyposuction and the botched jobs you can see people have which make them think they're all thin and sexy. If they don't maintain certain lifestyle changes, it's going to come back.

Same goes for a tummy tuck or ... any other procedure you can come up with.

I'm not saying that I don't understand the ... perceptions people have about their body, face or aging. The desire to keep up, for the actor's and actresses in hollywood faced with the younger crowd, but ... I think that perception is a bit skewed... (sp?)

The desire to be more attractive or fix something they don't like about themselves is there. Lots of people go through a lot of negative thoughts and poor self esteem issues because of what they see and what they think others will find attractive.

And therein lies the answer... "What they think others will find attractive".

This isn't a new topic. It's been going on for years. All over... now they have shows about it like Nip Tuck and Extreme Makeover... Although in the show Extreme Makeovers they also promote an entire lifestyle change. HOwever, they're still promoting going under the knife to ... look better, to enhance their self esteem.

My own nose is crooked, I have a deviated septum, a doctor told me that once and I said... yup, that's why I part my hair this way. :) It offsets my nose. My deviated septum can stay right where it is, crooked and all. So there...

What I'd rather see... is people appreciate who they are, without buying into what other people say pretty is supposed to be.

Sure we have who we're attracted to, psychologically speaking people are usually drawn to people like themselves or who they think mirrors their own perceptions of themselves... However at what point do people give up the right to like themselves just as they are by getting major, costly surgery?

I'm not talking about people who had an accident either. You know where they have reconstructive surgery or things like that.

I mean, we're all going to age... We're all going to get wrinkles and chicken skin :) and things are going to go south...

What about enhancing what we have by say... hair color or make up or ... dressing to flatter what we already have?

That's still a bit superficial I guess but ... there are other things a person can do to boost their appearance and feel good about themselves. All that "feel good about yourself" starts from within anyway... right? Yes...

Then it shows outwardly ... Lets take, Ernest Borgnine for example. He's a ruddy looking fella, been in a number of movies and shows... I saw him in an interview one day a few weeks back and he's still him. Ruddy looking, with the space between his teeth ... still "him". I think that's pretty admirable. He is who he is...

Unfortunately, we're not taught to embrace who we are... everything swirls around what other people think and do.

It starts really young too. High school if not sooner. Whose the prettiest, whose the most likely to succeed... thank god no one said things about ... what's his name? That computer genius guy whose a kajillionare? Bill... oh ratts! I can't... GATES! Bill Gates! Not massively handsome... did his thing, is a massive success.

Can you imagine if he bought into all these things? Shame.

We can get so enticed... or lured into comparing ourselves to others as to what "we're not" that we forget to appreciate who we are in the first place.

This is where comparing is BAD... They do it in the tabloids all the time, who looks better in this dress and pit one actress against another in a photograph. All goes to perception right? Sure it does... because I"m sure both those women left the house liking how they looked in that outfit.

You never see... men compared like that. Now that I think about it. This sentence is subject to change if I find proof that there are comparisons like that going on.

Oh ... wait, high school year books. They do that... sorry, my mistake. They do it to guys too.

So how do we change these things?

I think, we can acknowledge that everyone is not created equal.

I think we can learn to focus on what good qualities we already have.

I think we can learn that we're okay as we are... and not compare ourselves to others.

I think we shouldn't be so romanced by TV and commercials and all those things that start us off comparing ourselves to others.

I think we can look at the younger generation and not think... "I'm aging, what's going to be left for me?" In any capacity.

I think we can learn to appreciate all that we are as an individual ...

We're going to change. We're going to age. We're going to be inadvertently compared to or see things that may entice us to buy into that mindset that we "have" to do certain things to keep up appearances or buy into what other people think ...

I think... accepting who we are ... right here and working up from there is the most important aspect of defining who we are and what we buy into.

But, this is nothing new... I'm not saying anything new at all. Yet, it's something that's been around forever.

In the end, when everything goes south :) and we have those laugh lines and furrows in our brow... the thing, that I think people are going to really focus on is...

Who you are... as a person. No?

Food for thought this morning.

Like who you are ... don't buy into all the commercial stuff you see, or the comparisons that are out there.

Be You... after all, you can't really be anyone else can you?