We, as human beings, like to have a sense of belonging and to be a part of something. It's a healthy part of developing relationships, making friends and experiencing new things. However who we spend our time with, include in our life and/or associate ourselves with requires some thought.
I remember a time where a group of people I was acquainted with were going to be doing something on a weekend. Initially, I thought it would be nice to go along, hang out and get to know them better. I was not invited. Sitting right there, hearing all about it and no one extended and invitation.
Initially, my ego was a little bruised. My inner child, if you will, thought... "Hey! Whattabout me! I wanna come play too!" I felt left out, not just a little but as a whole. Completely discounted and ignored. Fortunately for me, I didn't feed into it with cynisism or bitterness towards the group, which would have made it feel even worse. I waited until the feeling of being excluded passed and then I thought, "Do you have to be included in this group?" As I mulled this over, I recognized that I have other groups of friends, I have good close friends that I've made over the years and the reality is that the only reason I felt excluded was only because, "it would have been nice to be invited". To be included in something new, maybe make some new acquantances along the way would have been nice.
I decided not to make it into something personal. It all feels very personal but ultimately we chose who we want to spend our time with and we chose the things that we want to do. At least I think we should. There's nothing wrong with going and experienceing new things, however the real questions need to be asked and answered honestly "for ourselves" first and foremost are as follows:
1. What is it, about this group, that makes me want to spend time with them?
2. Am I interested in what the group is doing as a whole, or did I just feel excluded and it hurt my feelings?
3. Do I "like" the people in this group? Who are they really?
4. If a group is not open and friendly enough to include you, why would you want to be included in the first place?
5. Do YOU really want to spend any significant amount of time with these particular people OR would you rather explore other options, with other groups until you find one that suits you?
Sometimes we want to be included so much that we neglect to evaluate who we think we want to spend our time with. The insult of not being included far out weighs the reality of the personalities we would be dealing with if we were invited.
At no time should this be thought through in a resentfull, bitter, self-righteous manner. It should be thought through from a place of personal integrity as to what's really going on with YOU and more specifically who YOU would like to share your time with or new experiences with.
Being excluded isn't necessarily a bad thing. I would venture to say that if a particular group left you out in the cold, they've done you a massive favor. Because for whatever reason it is that they made the choice not to ask... you have to ask yourself if these are the type of people you would like to include in your life.
To have a good, close group of friends is always very helpful because as you can see, you already have a good foundation in your life. If you're looking to build on your experiences, which is wonderfull, we want you to have something REAL in your life, people who are sincere in their invitations and in their interest in maintaining a friendship and a relationship with you.
What you don't want is to allow your ego or bruised feelings to get in the way of your better judgment.
My final note is, if you spend time with these people on a regular basis for whatever reason, you continue to treat them with the same courtesy and respect as you would treat anyone else. Granted, you'll know where you stand with them, it doesn't mean that we need to feed into any additional negativity by acting the fool ourselves.
Food for thought this morning.
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