I was watching "Night at the Museum 2" the other day and there was this one scene where this big king guy who had been dead for 1000 years came back to live. When the sun went down, anything in the area of this ancient tablet would come to life having the thoughts and experiences of whatever historical character was in the museum.
So, the night guard, played by Ben Stiller, met up with this King who was basically pounding his chest saying, "I am so'n'so and after 1000 years I have come BACK to LIFE!" ... Stiller, just looked at him like, Okay. The King was confused by this and said it again. His tone was menancing and intended to make Stiller shudder and/or be in awe (maybe both) by this POWER!
Well... la de da. It didn't work. Course, I'm sure since we all knew that they'd go back to being manequins at the end of the night, that was soothing enough. I mean what was this King really going to do anyway?
The point is this, Stiller didn't react to this guy, he wasn't afraid, he simply acknowledged what was said and looked at the guy like... "Yah, I heard that" The King character lost steam. Sure he went on to do other things in the museum but I love this one scene the best.
This is the perfect example of how when we don't react to another person's "stuff" or their intention to make us feel small or intimidated, how NOT reacting and just going about our business really works.
Some people are plain antagonists. They seem to take pleasure in finding little ways to push another person's buttons until they get to them.
I'm a fan of getting rid of those kind of people from my life because I'm only so patient. That is, providing I don't see some kind of shift from them where they change their behavior. My motto is, you be nice to me, show me respect and we'll get along just fine. This goes both ways, of course.
How we react to something is so massively important in life. It can dictate what kind of relationships we cultivate with others. It can definitely contribute to the type of day we're going to have and how we are received by others as well.
I don't know how you want to live but I'm a huge fan of just looking at someone who is a blow hard, hearing the message, ignoring the volumn and going about my business. When it's time for me to set a boundary, I do it. Sometimes ignoring bad behavior makes it go away because you're not reacting to it. Other times you have to confront the person, in a way, that diffuses them.
Each person is different, each person requires a different method of diffusing. You will experience some anxiety based on the existing relationship you may have when you start to practice this. You're going to feel that from the pit of your stomach to the top of your head, to the numbness you may feel in your toes. That's the fright or flight reaction our body gives us. Course, not being able to think while we're experiencing those feelings doesn't help a situation but over time, you're going to find that it gets easier to do.
I'm not saying that you won't have some kind of anxiety or be nervous. I still get a little nervous at times. Depends on the situation, depends on how severely this other individual crossed the line and whether or not I'm controlling my own reactions to the situation.
If you are in an abusive relationship, these tactics, this good advise is not going to work over the long term. Abusive, narcissistic people simply up the anti until you crack. Even then, when you are able to, I would leave that situation.
Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. Period.
You can teach other people to treat you with dignity and respect at any time. You stop allowing them to get away with their behavior.
What is it costing you, physically, emotionally, mentally to tolerate some blow hard who is disrespectful to you? Think about that...
Oh! And don't think you've failed at learning this if you get caught off guard at times from this other person. That can happen and as soon as you regroup and think it through, you'll be able to address it the next time. Or, you can approach the person another time and advise them they may not do x, y and/or z in the future.
I mean, what are you really losing if you address bad behavior? Being disrespected? Being put down or walking on egg shells? I'd give that up any day.
2 comments:
Very nicely written, and I agree with it. I don't allow most people to get a second chance to irritate me unless I see some bigger benefit possibly coming out of it. Yeah, we both know I have one, but truthfully, I have gotten some benefits out of it. And it's not someone I see every day, which makes it palatable.
It's definitely how we react to things that set the tone for what's coming next. Folks need to remember that the next time they're driving home from work and cursing out someone who did something they didn't like. lol
I think we all have that person in our life who can irritate us or seep into our brain and get on our last nerve. As you know, I had the narcissistic boss a while back and dealing with that, knowing it wasn't going to change over the long term, was way too much work. There was also a pattern too. Monday through Wednesday he was tolerable.
From late wednesday when he came in through friday you wanted to just leave. If it's THAT much work to deal with someone, I don't do it. If it's once and a while and it doesn't affect my life to the negative, I can let it roll off and/or set a boundary but when it's a constant barrage of bull? No thank you... I've worked way too hard on my life to tolerate bad behavior from another human being.
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