Setting the bar too high. Is there such a thing?

Sue T I'm writing back to a friend of mine this morning and they were saying how they wondered if sometimes we are setting the bar too high.

I think it's more about if we have people around us who support the bar. If we're around others who are complacent or who put down what our personal goals are, we may start to believe, due to their negativity or lack of support that "we" are setting the bar too high.

We may tend to absorb their negative feelings and thoughts.

Kind of like, "What makes you think you can do that?"

Or ...

"You should have something stable and secure."

I tell you, is anything in this day and age stable and secure? As a matter of fact, to contradict this popular thought process these days that there's a lack, there are plenty of people out there I know who are working, who are making a living and who are moving towards what they want.

Maybe not at the speed they would like however, they readjust and reprioritize their goals at times, and they move forward

In having a goal and learning to reprioritize when necessary, it means we're not willing to sit back and not contribute to our own happiness.

Just because something we wanted didn't work right away, doesn't mean that we can't have what we want. It means that we have to keep trying until it happens.

It also means we have to keep looking at what we're doing to see if we have enough information or are educating ourselves on what we need to do.

If you look at my experiences with my job search over the past three years, in looking for an environment that I liked and where I enjoyed going to work. I couldn't seem to find it. Right?

Those of you who have been members here a while, know what I'm talking about.

Some could say, "Well it was YOU Sue..." (Maybe I set the bar too high in what I was looking for.)

How could that be though? I have an environment now that I like... can you imagine if I had accepted where I was, financially, emotionally and just sucked it up and stayed where I didn't feel good?

Now, my resume, looks like a mess. That was a deterent to some firms. Mind you, I said "some" firms. Other firms looked at how I changed my positions and said, "WOW you've got a lot of experience!" ...

It's all about perception isn't it? Yes.

And in spite of the appearance of my resume, I found a place that fits me. It's not that I can wear jeans to work. Although, that is such a perk. :)

It's that I, overall like where I am, what I do, who I work with on a daily basis... that was the goal. And I'm making better money. That was the goal as well.

My overall goals were to not be stressed about going to work due to the people there.

To find a position where I was paid what I'm worth.

To find a place where I didn't experience anxiety and put off getting ready in the morning because I "just did not want to go".

It took me a while didn't it? I had a lot of ups and downs and ... sometimes I thought, maybe other people are right. Maybe my goal to find this "is wrong".

Maybe it doesn't exist.

Now, is that true? No. It's not. I've proven that by finding what works for me.

I also was fortunate enough to have other places where the environments were what I liked, but didn't realize it at the time, to fall back on. I had proof that what I was looking for "DID" exist. We can forget that sometimes when we're trying so hard.

Could I have thought that I set the bar to high? Certainly.

Did I want to buy into that thought process?

Absolutely not.

So, when someone asks you if you're setting the bar too high, what do you say?

How do you feel?

What are you going to do, whether you succeed the first few times or not, to continue to go for what you want?

I'm not saying it wasn't difficult to keep a positive perspective on looking for what I wanted. I felt pretty awful sometimes. I thought, maybe it doesn't exist? Maybe it's me... Maybe I should have stayed at this one particular place instead of rocking the boat and striving for more.

I had doubts many times. I'm sure some of my friends may have had doubts too.

However I held a belief, based on my past experiences, that this kind of place existed and that I would find it. The fact that it seemed to take forever, and inbetween there were circumstances beyond my control where things that I literally could not control.

I had to shuffle things around, I had to hold onto my thought process that I was doing the right thing. I didn't want to buy into the thought process that I had to suck it up and "tolerate" bad behavior from the people around me.

You know, statements like, "Well every job has that person or something we don't like."

I thought... Yah, this may be true but ... just how much to people tolerate if it's something that doesn't roll off?

And why would I want to tolerate that?

So I kept at it, I kept trying, failure after failure... I kept looking. I had one friend who offered to help me with my resume and wipe out the mess that it seemed to be.

I thanked them a whole lot but I figured if I started out that way, we'd both have to answer questions about what I'd been doing which ... would really be a yarn. I appreciated the offer a whole lot. I really wanted to do it too. Seemed like I should just accept that maybe the kind of place that I wanted/needed didn't exist anymore.

I'm glad to say, I didn't set the bar "too high"... because now I go to a place where I enjoy being. For the most part. Don't get me wrong there's stress and some interpersonal stuff as we get used to each other that crops up but it's nothing like what I've been through in the past.

It's not "tolerable" it's "workable"... big difference in that.

So, in closing, because I have to work out now... is there such a thing as setting the bar too high?

I don't think so.

I think we need to pay attention to what we want, maybe reprioritize things, learn other things but overall... shifting doesn't equal failure. And I can tell you, I had doubts... it didn't equal my desire to be happy at my day job though.

Sometimes it was really hard. Make no mistake!

Now I think, imagine the things we wouldn't have in our life if we quit every time things got difficult?

That would be a shame... right?

So, is there such a thing as setting the bar too high?

I don't think so... You?