Venting or cronic complainer?

My interpretation of venting is when a situation triggers an emotional response (reaction) from us. It could be anger, fear, stress related, disrespect related, emergency related ... I'm adding a bunch of descriptions so you know it's a variety of things that can trigger venting.

It could also be a compilation of things as well. One stressor after the other during the day and the last thing that happens to a person triggers the flood gates to open and POOF irrational gibber jabbering.

A person who is venting talks incessantly, asks questions which they don't really want an answer to other than to be validated for their feelings or understood. If they seem to get more frustrated because you're trying to "help" then you know that they are venting.

The key, for me, with venting and people who say they are venting is to pay attention to their actions thereafter. Often times we assume people may simply be complaining all the time, and that may be true... IF they have not remedied the source of what they needed to vent about.

Usually when a person is venting they are clearing out the negative emotions swirling around so that they can come back to rational thinking. Come back to "center".

Complaining, is often confused by people as venting because no one ever told them that venting was to regain their "center" and to reach clarity for themselves so that they can move out of the negative emotions and into an action mode where they can think clearly.

Got me so far?

If an individual is complaining all the time and everything is miserable in their life, we could be talking about victim mentality. Which is another topic in of itself. Victim mentalities don't recognize they have a way out or there are other things they can do. They are not solution oriented and can get, and remain stuck in the negative emotions. Sometimes they do this because they truly do not know any other way. They have not learned how to process their emotions and therefore are stuck in complaining mode.

You can see the difference between the two IF there is no action after the person has vented.

I have vented myself to people. I feel better and then I don't follow up and tell them what I've done to better my situation or how I'm working on it. So I can appear to be complaining, however some situations are not as easily remedied.

So what it comes down to, at least in my experiences, is how a person is handling their stressors, if they are action oriented (doing something about their situation and making an effort to do so, and it's not fast enough so they may feel frustrated and trapped) or if they are simply complaining about things expecting a different outcome without any change on their part or acknowledgment that there are things they can do differently.

An individual has to recognize for themselves that they can do something about their situation. Or they may continue to misinterpret venting as something that they can do ... but really all they are doing, is being a cronic complainer without taking any action.

Ya follow me?

They are alleviating stress, etc., HOWEVER they have not yet recognized that they need to do something different. EVEN IF they have been advised otherwise.

So we have "healthy" venting and irrational venting to get rid of the ick ... and then we have complaining where the person makes no effort to change their siutation or their external stressors.

Or, for that matter are not, or may not be aware that they CAN take charge of themselves, have no control over external circumstances, and can focus on what THEY need to do in any given situation.

So... the cronic complainer who takes no action falls dangerously close to someone who has a victim mentality, which can morph into a martyr mindset.

A victim, a true victim is not aware of something being done to them. Once they realize something has been done to them and they take charge, take action... they are no longer perceived as a victim.

Now, if a victim finds out that they are a victim, does nothing about it, they can develope a martyr mentality. Which is a person who recognizes they are being taken advantage of and choose to remain in the situation taking no action what so ever.

Now with some, there is a payoff for being a martyr. Attention it gives them because they don't know healthier ways of relating so others. They get to be mean to others because they are so taken advantage of ... "poor me" ... look what someone is doing to me.

On the other hand, a victim... may say nothing at all because they don't know what else to do. They don't know any remedies ... if they are actively searching out solutions, they don't necessarily turn into martyrs. Because they are solution oriented.

What ... clarifies, for me, what venting is and cronic complaining is the overall behavior of the individual that I'm talking to.

If they take action.
If, after they are done venting, they are open to talking about alternatives.
If I ask them if they would like me to just listen, and they say yes. Then after they feel better, they may be open to suggestion OR I hear or see them taking action about the particular problem.
If they are willing to identifhy and take responsibilithy for the situationand their part, if they are honest with
themselves as to what set them off so they can handle the situation better later on.

To name a few...

we can also talk about the draining effects that venting can have on us as the listener too.

We have to learn when to block out certain things so that we don't feel buried by "their" stuff when it's done.

Now, a complainer... to clarify the difference between a complainer and a venter... really just complains, is not open to solution and is consistently negative, and takes no action at all. These people would fall under the category of toxic people.

A venter is letting out stressors of the day or whatever emotional trigger hit them. These stressors, by the way, could be a compilation of things that they did not address as well that come out in one felled swoop too. HOWEVER the venter, when finished, is more solution oriented and seeking resolution, remedies and methods to make their situations more managable or liveable.

Have I been clear? What a shame I had to do it again... Which is fine.

OH! I almost forgot, if you are unsure if a person is venting because they want help ... ask them. You can ask them if they would like some suggestions or they simply need to vent.

If you find a person venting about the same thing, you may have to point out to them that you're hearing venting about the same topic and you would like to discuss some possible remedies.

If that doesn't work and the pattern continues ... well you may have to set a boundary with them as to just how much you can listen to.