Freedom is not procured by full enjoyment...

"Freedom is not procured by a full enjoyment of what is desired, but by controlling the desire."
— Epictetus


To me, this means to take the time to truly focus on the results we want in our lives.

When we realize we're miserable, because sometimes we assume that we're unable to control our environments or those in it, (And not in the sense of controlling another person but in making wiser choices and not being a victim of "circumstance") we find ourselves at a point where we can actually "see" that we can make a difference.

The thing is, while we've now discovered that we can play a hand in our own lives without being dragged from circumstance to circumstance, we may grow impatient. It may not happen "fast enough" for us.

We assume that because things don't get better "overnight" that things will "never" get better.

And, this is the farthest thing from the truth.

Restructuring our lives, takes effort. It takes personal insights into what is not working in our lives, and then personal decisions and actions towards what we "do" want in our lives.

And all the while we're doing that, there will be some fear, some self doubt, some wondering if this can truly be done.

If a person were to become impatient, when their efforts yield little to no results "initially" and they quit focusing on the things that they want. They're inevitably going to fail.

Because they gave up too soon.

Some change, like ... say finances, that takes planning. Right? Restructuring.

The same holds true for relationships and restructuring and deciding how you'd like your relationships to be, to "Truly" be.

It doesn't mean you're giving up who you are, but truly "deciding" who you are and what you want. And this is "Okay."

The same holds true for your job, your every day life, and the choices you make in it.

Baby steps as a person builds confidence in their ability to truly have what they want in their life, is not a bad thing. It, to me, is a necessary step in achieving what they "thought" they wanted because "now" they're actually "thinking" about it vs. being swept away with circumstance.

As their confidence builds they learn to communicate what they want, what is not acceptable, and in this, they learn how to accept that they're "worth" it.

There is something that people neglect to remember. That is that it's every human beings right to chose to accept or discard certain things in their lives.

There is twist in this... something that is helpful to know is that when we focus on our needs "as well as" what the needs of those around us are, resolution and positive movement forward (except in abusive relationships, always hvae to put this here) WILL happen.

Sometimes we need to learn to "listen first" (this isn't the easiest thing on earth when we "want" something) because it's much more difficult to work with someone who's defensive and may feel put off by "our" changes for the better.

(i.e., being left behind, what will it mean in their life when we make this change? I liked things the way they were, feeling as though they are left to their own devices in some cases because perhaps you've decided to stop "doing" for everyone else, and began doing for yourself ... can you come up with some?)

Realizing that to have patience with this newfound thought process that you don't have to just go situation to situation with no control as to the outcome, is an interesting yet frightening idea. Because you'll have to assert yourself.

Be patient with your process of realizing that you can have what you want, and change your life. You have to "practice" changing how you think, practice remembering that YOU have a say vs. assuming that going along with what everyone else is doing is going to yield you better results.

Take your time, be specific in what you want ... and begin doing it. If your desires out weight your initial ability to "know" what to do, you may give up too soon.

And we don't want you to do that. :)

Keep doing it, keep at it, and remember to have patience with yourself.

Sue T