Is there such a thing as a soul-mate?

Is there such a thing as a soul-mate?

I think attraction, that deep desire to love and be loved can make a person feel like a soul-mate. It's before we know who we are as an individual that this particular phase of love hits. Some people say they married their high school sweethearts and are still married to them today. Which is wonderful. Certainly.

There are those who met their soul-mate later on in life and have gotten married, or lived together (whatever their choice) because they say they finally met someone who was able to see them for who they are. Or, was it that the individual finally saw who they were and relaxed enough to let another person in after perhaps being heartbroken in the past? They relaxed and trusted someone, over time, got to know them and realized that they themselves were part of the reason they hadn't found someone before? They may have been busy protecting the fragile wounded heart of the child inside and inadvertently pushing love away. This happens, time and time again.

There are people we meet, in relationships who we are drawn to on quite the subconscious level. Levels we don't understand completely. They have something we need, something that we recognize in ourselves, so we go after them. We assume they are our soul mate because it feels right, however it's not exactly "right" and it falls apart.

I've seen people who say they have lost the love of their lives and I've often wondered, was that person they lost really the love of their life? (barring death, not a break up of some kind) Or were they so smitten that the blinders they wore within the relationship, that made the other individual "not" their soul mate hiding the truth about the other person while covering up the similarities in both?

When I say similarities, I mean we attract certain people to us for different reasons. Sometimes when we are afraid of love, we attract someone else who is also afraid. So one person goes about trying to prove to the other that they are worth true love and all the while they are deathly afraid themselves. Is this a soul mate or is this feeding a deeper need that any one person has? Which any one individual may not have recognized within themselves?

Surely, if we prove to someone else that they are loveable, are we not proving to ourselves that we are as well? There would be the quiet hidden expectation that if we can show them how loveable they are, we would get the same love in return. Yet, when we're done fighting for it and the other person relaxes and begins to give back. Sometimes that very person who worked so hard, turns heel and runs in the other direction. This can happen, it has happened.

I think also that sometimes a person purposely choses another person, claiming that they are their soul mate because they are afraid of love themselves, and when it doesn't work out (on a much deeper level which they are not aware of just yet) they can go on about their lives saying that true love doesn't exist. Repeating certain negative patterns which are quietly buried in their subconscious mind. Thereby inadvertently proving to themselves that love does not exist.

Finding a persons soul mate requires that an individual be familiar with themselves. Willing to risk a broken heart by paying attention to who they are as in individual and also who they are chosing to opening up to. Meaning, to know ones self, to care enough about ones self, to chose who they want to be with, is the most important aspect of any relationship. Does this new person they are considering getting involved with have the values and qualities they are looking for (?) does this persons temperment compliment their own (?), has the person done enough personal work on themselves where they are willing to open their heart enough to another to truly be known?

I've heard people say that the other person took the time to get to know them. Really know them. Should it be so much work to open up to another human being? Opening up to friends can take time. Even then there is that fear of rejection that something which was done in the past will not be accepted and there will be a loss. In romantic relationships that fear is much greater because there is more of an emotional investment in that person.

I guess, the question for me, would be is there anyone person that completely fills every need that any one individual may have?

I think we have many needs which can be filled from many different relationships. I mean a significant other and outside friendships.

I think, a persons soul mate is within themselves first and foremost. If they are busy trying to fix a broken heart or protect a broken heart they're not going to be open to a soul mate if it bit them on the ass.

I guess, after all this, what I'm saying is to know ones self first, is our initial soul-mate. To love who we are, we we've yet to become and then have the courage to express that to another individual.

I think this is when a person can meet someone, appreciate someone, who may be just what they need.

Reading Into Things

Do you read into every little thing people say around you?

Turn everything into the worst case scenario, allow paranoia to take over your mind and your insecurities to run rampant?

If this sounds even vaguely familiar, maybe it's time to take a step back and pay attention to why you're reacting this way.

Maybe you feel you have a right to feel so suspicious. After all anyone would understand what you've been through and how it hurt you. However, the idea is that while you may be protecting yourself from the possibility of being hurt, this self protective mechanism is going to drive people away.

I remember a woman a number of years back who dated a guy who did the above here. Initially, she thought nothing of it, felt perhaps it was a matter of time before he learned to trust her. She ignored the warning signs of someone who was massively insecure and went about her business.

Until of course he became too much "work". Always questioning where she was, what she was doing, constantly testing and picking at her. After a while, she recognized that all of these things really didn't have anything to do with her, but more to do with his life experiences and his lack of trust in a relationship. They finally broke up over these things.

It's not only men who behave in this manner either. There are plenty of women out there who are afraid of getting hurt and hyper vigilant over their significant other and everything that they do. Never appearing happy, always complaining, sifting through things in their minds and giving them other meanings. Literally blowing things out of proportion.

While I can understand people's fears, at the same time, there comes a time where a person who feels the need to interrogate others or reads into things all the time may want to consider figuring out why they feel this way. Is it past insecurities? Is it something they're not getting from the relationship? Is there any solid ground to base these allegations on?

Sometimes, we do things out of protecting ourselves or in an attempt to get our needs met. However the outcome of not being honest with ourselves as to our behaviors is the amount of extra unnecessary work the partner brings into the relationship. This can eventually push the other person away.

If you or someone you know is in a situation like this, I'd love to hear about it.

Being honest with ones self as to their part in the situation is important. Is it their paranoia and past experiences? OR Is it that they are in the wrong relationship?

I don't think anyone needs to live in a world where they are not trusted. At some point, perhaps going to see a couples counsellor might serve both people well.

It can't hurt to try and work these things out. In this way the relationship can grow through trust and communication. Not be wrought with insecurities and consistently proving ones self to another.

Man Bashing ...

I had the pleasure of being involved in a conversation with some people wherein the one young lady, mid 20's said that her mother taught her that no man can be trusted 100%. Maybe 99% but other than that, they were all suspect.

I listened to this drivel for a while, however after about 5 minutes I interupted and I asked her if she was saying that all women are trustworthy? Was she really saying that all men were slime? I personally do not believe that all men are slime.

I think we can find proof with regard to both sides of the coin with men (good/bad), just as we can find proof on both sides of the coin with women (good/bad).

There was also some discussion about bachelor parties and the like and how men are more likely to have sex with a hooker at one vs. just a dancer. I advised her that while that may make her feel better that there are some dancers, who for a small fee will sleep with him too. They held onto the belief that the hooker would be more accessible. I just shook my head. I've know a couple dancers over the years, and I've had male friends who fill me in on the details a person wouldn't normally hear about. Course, some people really don't want to know what goes on. I just happen to know.

So, while they were talking about the bachelor party I asked if women were all well behaved at male reviews? Believe me I've been to male reviews and women are not angels. Matter of fact at some of them there's all kinds of touching and groping going on which I didn't particularly find acceptable. Many years ago I knew a young lady who disappeared for a good 20/30 minutes in the bathroom. When we asked where she went she said she went into the bathroom and the male dancer was in there. So, that's all she'd say really. You do the math folks.

I guess it's what side of the "literal" fence it is. There are plenty of good men out there and plenty of good women out there too.

Maybe the question should be, would a person do something if they knew they'd never be caught? Would a person's fears that their partner is going to cheat or do something bad enhance the chances and push the partner away?

I'm sorry but for myself I wouldn't want to start my life off with someone who I could only say I trusted 99%. Can you imagine living in this world in your head?

I know things go on in life that we've heard or don't want to know about but at the same time this double standard thought process is massively confusing to me.

I'm not sure at what point some women assume that all men are scum. I do believe however that both men and women need to focus on themselves and what they are looking for in life.

This nonsense of putting one another in a box, doesn't help or promote anyone to have a healthy relationship.

Now, I may know some things that others don't about the things men and women can pull on one another. And there are some people out there who know a hellofalot more than I do, but I'll tell you this, I think it's about time that people start being honest with themselves and not buy into the bad stereotypes.

I mean, isn't this a waste of energy?

Moral: Pay attention to what you want. Regardless of external sources, pay attention to what you want, what works for you (male or female) focus on what you want in your life. Chose wisely, don't wear blinders and for goodness sakes, don't be so cynical.

Oh, and attraction is nice but sex doesn't equal love.

Rant over :)

Some Career Change Suggestions

I have a little exercise for you, that may help you to chose a career for yourself that you'll enjoy and make you like going to work every day :)

If you have excel you can make it in there. If not, you take paper, make six columns.

Each column is labeled as follows:

1. Job Occupation/experience
2. Knowledge
3. Skills
4. Abilities
5. Personal strengths
6. Natural talents.

Be patient with yourself with some of these categories. Sometimes the answer doesn't just spring up at you, it takes a little time to think about.

Another thing is to describe your ideal job. What you really can see yourself doing every day. You can base the description on the list you've made with the columns I mentioned up above here.

Another good idea is to keep your prospects open. Say you go for one job and interview well, don't assume you'll get the position and close the door on other interviews. Another position may come up that may be better, and you'll keep your options open as well knowing you're still out there looking vs. waiting for the phone to ring.

You can also make a weekly plan, including time to spend, days to look, and websites to set up searches for the type of position you may be interested in. Many of the sites these days have a salary calculator which is really helpful for when you go on an interview as to what they're offering.

Come back and let me know how it goes!

Sue T.

Quiet Lifestyle Changes... they just sneak up on you!

There are things in life that slip quietly into daily routines, how a person may do things for themself, (i.e., working out, taking time to do something they truly enjoy) and initially it may be something that they were really happy about.

Maybe they had kids or met a new person in their life, a friend or partner and little by little the things they used to do for ourselves slipped quietly away.

Initially they didn't mind, because they were excited by this new development. Routines began to blend together and it became a part of their life.

It starts innocently enough. They maybe put off working out or going out with the guys/gals because they are including this new situation into our life.

What is interesting to see how it comes as this great shock to many how, they're needs aren't being met anymore.

Initially, it was all about compromise and enjoying whatever it is that was going on around us and they were open to these things. What some may forget to do is to continue to do the things that made them happy as an individual in the first place. Which made them who they were.

Before you know it, a person can neglect themselves so much, they're seething with resentment because they may not be getting the acknowledgement they feel they may deserve for all their sacrifices and shifting their life around to suit this new development.

I respect that sometimes, certain things have to be reprioritized in life and that people may put themselves off a bit in that process. However at the same time, what lies quietly under the surfact are all those things a person used to do, that made them who who they used to be, which aren't there anymore.

Once this realization is made, sometimes it's gone on for so long, the person may lash out at those around them, feel guilty for not appreciating what they do have, while mourning who they used to be.

The thing is, it's not a difficult thing to remedy.

A person can't start off blaming everyone else around them for their choice to do what they felt was the thing to do at the time. Because they chose to do it.

What they can do is begin to recognize that they have neglected their own needs and to start planning out how to include these things in their life.

Mabye it's a night out with a friend, maybe it's joining a gym and focusing on feeling better, maybe it's reading a book.

We can renegotiate our relationships. Taking time out to do the things we'd like to do will make us happier, and I'd imagine that our partner or friends would encourage us to do this.

This can alleviate a couple of things.

a. resentment and guilt;
b. being a martyr;
c. self loathing;
d. feeling unappreciated;

What happens is the individual, due to their choices to do what they thought was the right thing at the time, begins to feel that they are doing all of these things for those around them and when they don't receive the acknowledgement they feel they should be getting, it's everyone else's fault on some or all levels.

This isn't very fair to others. It's not everyone else's job to make a person feel validated and acknowledged "all" the time.

It is up to the individual to recognize that they have contributed to the situation and begin to make changes without falling prey to the blame game.

Take responsibility for the things you let go.
Start off with explaining to whomever that you want to go and do certain things for yourself.

Stop looking for others to fill you up. Find a way to fit in what you need for yourself, and then start doing it.

I absolutely LOVE OLD CARS! Check out this story!

http://www.intuh.net/barnfinds/afa9.htm

Here is the link above to the barn. Here is the story below that came with the email I got. Would you just LOOK at all these beauties? My god it's amazing! I don't truly know if the story itself is true, but my goodness.

A New York man retired, wanted to use his retirement money wisely, so it would last, and decided to buy a home and a few acres in Portugal.



The modest farmhouse had been vacant for 15 yrs.; the owner and wife both had died, and there were no heirs. The house was sold to pay taxes.



There had been several lookers, but the large barn had steel doors, and they had been welded shut. Nobody wanted to go to the extra expense see what was in the barn, and it wasn't complimentary to the property anyway......so, nobody made an offer on the place.



The NY guy bought it at just over half of the property's worth, moved in, and set about to tear in to the barn.......curiosity was killing him. So, he and his wife bought a generator, and a couple of grinders.......and cut thru the welds.



What was in the barn...............? Go to; www.intuh.net/barnfinds/afa70.htm and start wishing it had been you who bought the place. I bet Jay Leno wishes it had been him.



NOTICE THAT MOST OF THE TIRES LOOK TO BE IN GOOD SHAPE ALTHOUGH A LOT OF THE CARS ARE NOT IN SUCH GOOD SHAPE. MANY SEEM AS IF THEY JUST NEED A GOOD CLEAN UP. IMAGINE WHAT THE WORTH WOULD BE IF THEY ALL ARE RESTORED.

You Know What You Don't Want

Most people can run a list off with the things that they don't want in about 2.0 seconds.

If you were to ask them what they do want, that seems to yeild massive confusion. At least for some.

They've simply never considered that there was another way of thinking.

A small example is, if you don't like vanilla, you would be better served trying other favors, like chocolate perhaps. See if it's something you enjoy.

If you don't particularly find yourself in love with chocolate, then maybe you're a pistacchio person.

Initially when I first asked myself what I did want in my life, it was a bit confusing. My brain didn't understand the question because while I was busy thinking that things only worked one way, it never occurred to me that I had a choice in the matter.

I mean everyone else seemed to be doing things the very same way, going through life, doing what they felt was the right thing to do.

Something was missing though.

I wasn't getting what I wanted. I wasn't all that happy or motivated in any particular direction.

It wasn't until I began paying attention to certain things, that I realized I could be chosing things instead of fighting about the things I didn't like or want.

One way to recognize what you do want is to write out a list of the things you don't, and then flip it over to the positive.

Say, if you don't like the chocolate, you go for vanilla or a variation of vanilla.

Your wants and needs are not going to be like the person next door either. They're going to be highly individualized, because they are all about you.

There may be some things as you go along that you may not have considered, and you can add those as you get accustomed to thinking differently.

It seems so simple to me now, yet in the beginning, all I was met with was a numb mind that wasn't quite sure what to do with the question or how to think differently then just moving through life doing the same things over and over again and not really being all that happy.

Try it :) For any situation there can be many solutions. Focus on your solutions and what makes you happy as an individual. Not what Auntie so'n'so thinks, or those who may say you are "too picky" ... focus on exactly what you want and refine this as you go along.

They Were Your Friend First!

An interesting thing I've noticed at times in friendships.

Sometimes we're friends with someone and they gain a new friend who perhaps they have something we are not into in common with them. So the original friend feels kind of left out.

This is not intentionally or anything, sometimes it happens that way.

I've noticed a subtle behavior from the existing individual when another party joins the group. It's a quiet, feeling of them behaving like ... "I was here first, this is my friend and while I'll share them with you, I met them first"

It's a quiet little behavior. You really have to pay attention to see it. It's not a malicious thing, it's a feeling you get that perhaps one person may feel a little bit threatened by the new friend who has now intruded upon the group. If you will.

So, what do you do about that?

Well, first and foremost I think that sometimes people may feel a bit threatened by a new person coming into the picture because what will it mean to the existing friendship. It will change certain things, like if they met at a class on person may feel left out. If one has more free time to go do things and the other does not, they may also feel left out.

To me, I think it's important to remember our existing friends as much as humanly possible to reassure them that we're not leaving them or trying to take something away from them.

But more like "adding" to the mix of what life is all about. So to speak. New friends bring new experiences. And I think we need to be honest about that with one another.

It's not that we don't appreciate the pre-existing friends in any way, it's more about broadening our horizons, opening ourselves up to new experiences really.

AND we also have the obligation if we feel this way to talk to our friend about how we feel.

If we are the person who has a new friend, depending on how much time really spent together, we also have to keep in mind that we need to remember to continue relating to our pre-existing friends as well.

Sure, there are those times where we have toxic friends and we are transitioning away from them by finding new friends as well. Those who may drag a person through the mud and make them feel bad, or who are surrounded by drama at any given moment. One would feel kind of smarmed after being around them for any length of time. I've experienced that myself. It doesn't feel so good.

Sometimes due to time constraints, different lifestyles relationships and friendships change, maybe we even outgrow certain people. That can happen as well.

I think though, on my initial thought process, about including a new person into an existing group, it's important to pay attention to how our existing friends feel, and if maybe they may feel left out or a little threatened by a new person.

You never know. And I don't think it hurts to consider it.

Is it an insecurity? Well... sure, I think it could be. Because change can breed insecurity certainly. It's how we handle combining the two I think that is important.

Working Out ? ?

I've been working out lately and I feel really good. I do video's, dvd's and I bought an eliptical machine which was delivered in January. I got sick a few times and could use it, then had some injuries flare up. That stunk... but overall I'm doing a good job keeping to a routine. Wednesday though I used too much weight and hurt my shoulder blade, so I took Thursday off from working out. Friday came I was doing things, and not doing things, around the house and with the computer, I wasn't much in the mood.

I did notice however, by today that my shoulder blade didn't feel funny, and I didn't have that little ... pain under there. So I figured today would be a good day to start up again. So I did abs and I did program three on the eliptical. And interestingly enough, I felt better. I didn't feel quite so cranky as I have the past couple of days. That's pretty interesting considering my thought process is that now that I'm used to it, maybe my body is producing all those feel good chemicals and when I don't work out, I can feel the difference. I'm not an expert on that, but it seems to fit.

I've also been pretty frustrated about not having seen a change in weight. Now I know, there are all these things out there that say muscle weighs more than fat etc., but I've been feeling rather discouraged about it. I started thinking about my habits in the past. Usually, after about a month, I get over zealous and hurt a body part which causes me to stop working out for up to 10 days. Or longer... depended on what the issue was.

Since I haven't seen the results I want, I thought maybe I was going to just give up and let nature take it's course, which would be really silly after all this hard work right? Yah, I think so too. I mean the thing is, just because we don't have instant results doesn't mean we aren't getting to where we want to be. And what if within the next couple of weeks things start turning and I do see real change? There have been some changes after all.

So the thing is, don't give up too soon. Keep enjoying feeling good, and keep trying to reach whatever goal makes you personally comfortable. Try not to compare yourself to another person because we all have different body types.

Support is a nice thing to have as well, you can get that online or by dragging friends with you. In the end it's all about you and what you want to feel like, I feel pretty good, so I figure it took me about 4/5 years to get out of shape, I may have to exercise some patience for the new me to come out. So I try to keep that in mind when I don't feel like working out and it makes me feel like I'm putting all this effort in for nothing. Know what I mean? Yah... maybe you do :)

Okay that's my thought process for today. Have a good one! And if you have workout stories to share please comment or offer support even. I'd love it!