They Were Your Friend First!

An interesting thing I've noticed at times in friendships.

Sometimes we're friends with someone and they gain a new friend who perhaps they have something we are not into in common with them. So the original friend feels kind of left out.

This is not intentionally or anything, sometimes it happens that way.

I've noticed a subtle behavior from the existing individual when another party joins the group. It's a quiet, feeling of them behaving like ... "I was here first, this is my friend and while I'll share them with you, I met them first"

It's a quiet little behavior. You really have to pay attention to see it. It's not a malicious thing, it's a feeling you get that perhaps one person may feel a little bit threatened by the new friend who has now intruded upon the group. If you will.

So, what do you do about that?

Well, first and foremost I think that sometimes people may feel a bit threatened by a new person coming into the picture because what will it mean to the existing friendship. It will change certain things, like if they met at a class on person may feel left out. If one has more free time to go do things and the other does not, they may also feel left out.

To me, I think it's important to remember our existing friends as much as humanly possible to reassure them that we're not leaving them or trying to take something away from them.

But more like "adding" to the mix of what life is all about. So to speak. New friends bring new experiences. And I think we need to be honest about that with one another.

It's not that we don't appreciate the pre-existing friends in any way, it's more about broadening our horizons, opening ourselves up to new experiences really.

AND we also have the obligation if we feel this way to talk to our friend about how we feel.

If we are the person who has a new friend, depending on how much time really spent together, we also have to keep in mind that we need to remember to continue relating to our pre-existing friends as well.

Sure, there are those times where we have toxic friends and we are transitioning away from them by finding new friends as well. Those who may drag a person through the mud and make them feel bad, or who are surrounded by drama at any given moment. One would feel kind of smarmed after being around them for any length of time. I've experienced that myself. It doesn't feel so good.

Sometimes due to time constraints, different lifestyles relationships and friendships change, maybe we even outgrow certain people. That can happen as well.

I think though, on my initial thought process, about including a new person into an existing group, it's important to pay attention to how our existing friends feel, and if maybe they may feel left out or a little threatened by a new person.

You never know. And I don't think it hurts to consider it.

Is it an insecurity? Well... sure, I think it could be. Because change can breed insecurity certainly. It's how we handle combining the two I think that is important.