Approval vs. Support

Sometimes we find that we want to share something but those around us invalidate those thoughts.

It's not intentional. It's due to their beliefs, which may be true or not true. They're also subject to change. As they grow as an individual.

You don't need someone else's approval to do something different.

What you do need is "support" and you need to define what kind of support you need.

For some it's a group where you feel supported and understood.

The worst times I've ever gotten stuck was when I felt misunderstood in what I was saying. Because now, I was in the position to have to explain how I felt to another person so I could feel heard.

Anyone here ever experience that?

So, what can happen is you're still focusing on the problem by explaining how you feel, whether it makes sense to the other person or not and you get stuck.

Because you're not feeling understood.

Most people base their advise on their own personal life experience, their beliefs, and other external input.

The most important thing, for you as an individual, to learn is that not everyone is going to empathize with what you're saying, you may not always be understood and/or validated, and that if it bothers you "enough" to figure out what it is you want to do about the situation.

Sometimes, having external input widens our choices. Because there are alot of times when we need to hear ourselves talk to come around full circle to clarity "for ourselves".

And, sometimes we need help and suggestions to broaden our own perspectives.

However, when all of this external advise or suggestions, leaves you feeling "less than" or more confused... you can take all that you've heard, journal about it, do a blog, and you'll start to see what "you" personally need.

Sometimes it's going to be a little bit of everything you've heard.

That's fine :)

They say when you have a problem to write down 5 possible (or three) solutions to it so that you realize that you have other options.

This is the most important thing to keep in mind. Sometimes others are "not" going to understand where you're coming from because they are including themselves in the mix. It's not "intentional" but it happens.

So focusing on what you really want, "regardless" of approval or not from others, and getting the support, whether someone else agrees with you or not, is important.

If you're finding yourself repeating certain patterns that are negative in your life, you'll have to reconsider what you're doing.

That's Okay... you can't change anything you don't identify.

If you can't see it, you can't change it.

And, when we're in the middle of it, it "is" very difficult to see our contribution sometimes.

Ever talk to a friend and you can see what "their" issues are so clearly? That's because you're not emotionally involved and you have a clear picture because you've been listening and seeing this pattern of behavior that isn't suiting this other person.

It "is" so much easier to do that. To see what someone else is doing vs. seeing what we're doing.

So, the idea of keeping a journal is a good one. My suggestion is always going to be, to go back and read what you've written from time to time, to actually "see" what patterns are there "for yourself" and then you can see what your doing from a different mental state later on.

After your calm really. And you've gotten it all down, so you can think clearly is really important.

Focusing one what you're now going to do about it, is equally as important.

What do you want?

How have you contributed to the situation?

What changes can I make to make things better for myself?

Having an online group, like this one or others is a good idea because the people in those types of groups have no personal agenda as it relates to your growth.

They have no other emotional/personal investment in what you need to do for yourself.

It will still be based on their life experiences, but it does remove some of the personal gain issues that talking to some one closer to us can add to the mix which can be a big deterent.

Because they have something to gain or lose in this process... your change affects them directly, and this can bias some of the responses you get.

You're goal, is to find out and realize what kind of support you need "without" seeking another persons approval.

You're a grown up now ... you don't need another's "approval" to make changes in your life.

What you do need is to be clear on what it is you do want, and then ask for the support you need. Some self discipline and will power is always helpful as well.

Food for thought today.