Repeating the same mistake in life over and over again.

They say that we experience the same things over and over again until we learn the lesson from that experience that we are supposed to learn.

Depending on what it is, for myself I would review each time it happened and how I contributed to the situation from my inner self.

In other words, what is it about you or the situation that is the same or similar each time?

Who are the people involved? How can I change how I react to that person, or how can I discuss with this individual how it makes me feel?

I'll give you my own personal example. A few years back I was dating this fella who wasn't very emotionally available. I always felt that I had to be the one teaching him what caring meant. This wasn't the first time I had attracted such a guy either. I didn't realize until I went back into my own history and saw a pattern.

Was it every time I dated someone I was met with these results? No, it wasn't however there was a pattern that I saw.

So it was time to look inside myself to see how I added to this mix. I mean wasn't I nice? Loving? Giving etc.,?

Sure but it wasn't in a manner that got me what I was looking for and the reason for that was that I was afraid myself to open up to them. It was much safer for myself, due to various life experiences to remain focused on "them" and their issues than to focus on my own fears.

So what do you do in this case? You realize that you are part of the problem. And you realize that giving too much also contributes to the situation in that you are not expressing what your own needs within the relationship are. Perhaps you think that in giving you'll receive, however this is untrue. There must be a balance. Otherwise the other individual in that relationship is going to grow to expect their needs to come before your own and eventually things will fall apart.

Men and women go into relationships with certain expectations. They are not verbal expectations however they exist in each individuals mind. You have to figure out what these expectations are in your mind with regard to a partner and be aware of what your own needs are.

Also, I had never asked myself "exactly" what I was looking for either!

I went by attraction first. Not a bad thing, however, that wears off as the person reveals who they really are ... After that relationship I took a few years off. And now I am much more selective. I haven't found who I am looking for just yet but I've found out quite a bit about myself and I continue to do so every day.

It depends on the topic, it depends on our own needs and expectations and it depends on how we communicate ourselves to others.

My suggestion, as I've said is to look over your history and then write yourself a letter as to how you want things to be. And be specific. Focus on the positive aspects of this letter and focus then as well, on the things you see that may cause you some anxiety so you know the area's where you'll experience resistance.

Work on those areas and focus on the positive.

:) Hope this helps :)

If you experience any trouble doing this, I offer two initial consultations at 45 minutes each. Feel free to take me up on them!

Also there are many books on this topic I'm sure you would find helpful as well.

Good luck!
Sue Tosto
Life and Relationship Coach

Confidence is Silent. It doesn't defend itself.
It simply exists inside of you.

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