Self Confidence Q & A

1. Do you believe that we are born with self confidence, or is that something that develops as we mature?

I believe 100% that each and every person is born with confidence. Our environments can either enhance that confidence or break it down. We all grow up with different perceptions from our parents, grandparents and peers. To decipher all of the messages we get from childhood through adulthood without the proper filters and guidance can be really challenging. When we are children, under the right circumstances and in the right environments a child's self esteem can flourish and grow whereas if you have a child in a poor environment with constant critism or lack of support it is quite easy to develop poor self confidence and beliefs through out adulthood. I think it is important in relationships with children and adults that we do our best to enhance confidence with praise, acceptance and gentle guidance.

2. So, having said this, do you think an individual who may not have self confidence can develop it?

Absolutely. If one were to have a problem conveying what their needs are to another person, it could be because I wasn't in an environment where I felt safe to express myself. As such my natural tendency to talk about those needs would be stifled. However if that same person were to be involved in an environment, either as a child or as an adult, where they felt safe to be open with their thoughts, either in a group setting or with a coach, they would begin to learn that it is safe to express themselves without the fear of rejection or any perceived consequences. I believe confidence can be built at any time in ones life. Once an individual realizes that they have a voice and begin to use it, little by little their confidence level will improve. This process can start at any time. It does take commitment and self awareness as to the areas the person feels they are not confident with. In any area of personal growth the individual should define the areas where they feel confidence is lacking. Then begin to exercise that muscle. It may be difficult at first, as anything in life can be when we are accustomed to doing things a certain way, however with practice and the right supportive environment an individual can increase their level of confidence.

3. You mentioned that people need to identify the areas where they feel they are lacking in confidence. How many areas of self confidence are there?

Confidence does come on many different levels, there is self image, image of ones body, personal beliefs/perceptions which can all be shaken by external forces in life and without the right supportive environment these things can be severely shaken and a person can easily develop self doubt over a period of time and thus their self confidence can be minimized. Other areas of self confidence extend to personal relationships; work relationships; relationships with friends and our peers. So there are many levels where confidence can be lacking. Some times these things are simply buried until an individual begins to become more self aware and begin to identify the areas where they feel the could use some improvement. At that point, the rebuilding can begin. I'm not going to say it is an easy process. The mind has become comfortable and old patterns can sneak up on an individual when an occasion arises that triggers an event from their past. However, with practice and a new awareness, the individual can experience break throughs in each separate area. One thing I should say that is really important is how we communicate ourselves in order to be heard and respected. First and foremost the person should be honest with themselves as to the areas where they may need a little boost. Once they have determined this, it is easier to move forward with more awareness and develop ways to be more self confident in each particular area.

In closing I'd like to say that it is possible to develop a healthy level of self confidence and to express ourselves. There are times where external situations may make an individual doubt themselves. It is always good to assess the situation and determine if it is truly about the individual themself, or the other person is projecting their own insecurity onto them. In the worst case scenario where others would tear a person down to feel in control, it could be time to re-evaluate that relationship and if communication does not work, remove them from ones life permanently. It is also important to remember not to compare yourself to another individual as they have different beliefs and life experience. It is important to develop your own individual confidence in accordance with your own values, beliefs and individuality.

If you have any comments you would like to share with me, please feel free to post here in reply, or in the alternative you may write me at DreamScapeInt2005@yahoo.com

Sue T.
Life & Relationship Coach
"Confidence is Silent ... It Doesn't defend itself, it simply exists inside of you."